Zenformation Mail: November 30, 2005Frats, Matchmaking Bloggers, and Love

* NOTE - These are e-mails I've received via the Zenformation Professional e-mail link in my profile. I have removed all identifiers in the queries to protect privacy, even of the ZenFo haters. No names from this point on - just cities. I reserve the right to NOT answer questions about my personal life but may answer them privately. I will only post e-mails and responses that specifically ask me to post a response; however, no advertising or hotlinking will be allowed.

E-mail text is unedited (other than identifiers) and some content may be objectionable to some folks.

- Jason,

AKA The Zenformation Professional

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This is going to sound like a really stupid question, so please don't post my name or anything.:)

Were you in a fraternity when you were in college? What do you think of Greek Life here at Miami?

- OXFORD, OHIO, Nov. 11, 2005

Nope. I was never in a fraternity. Dated a few sorority girls before and had a few friends who were in fraternities. As for greek life, well, I don't want to sound too harsh, but I think the whole fraternity/sorority thing is a bit outdated and probably won't survive the 21st century. In many of the college towns I've lived or visited, the frat population seems to be declining everywhere but the South and the East Coast. - ZP

lol. i don't know why yu don't have a girlfriend. you seem like a really smart guy but i guess it must be hard being single in oxford. if you want i might be able to help. a girl i work with is really sweet and i think you two would make a cute couple. i promise, i'm an awesome matchmaker!!!!!!!!!!

- OXFORD, OHIO, Nov. 26, 2005

Thanks for the compliment. Very sweet, and it can be difficult being a single guy in Oxford. I'm sure you're an amazing matchmaker, but you may not know me as well as you think you do. Your friend might not be too keen on the "there's this blog guy I'd love to hook you up with" idea, either. Thanks for the offer, though. - ZP

Znfo Pro guy, I'm really hoping you can give me some advice here. I feel so stupid for actually writing this but I am totally madly in love with this girl who works at College Library. I'd ask my friends for advice on this but they think I'm insane because she's like so not my type. I don't want to give my life story or anything but I've had a lot of girlfriends who have ened up playing me. I have a class with this girl and I make up totally lame excuses to my friends about why I'm hanging out in the library so much. I'm so afraid to speak to his girl because I'm afraid she won't think I'm smart enough (she's like brilliant or something.) I thought that since you're a librarian guy maybe you could hook a brother up.

- UCLA, Nov.30, 2005

Hey man, I'm not Dear Abby or anything but I'll give this a shot. First, don't feel stupid. No stupid people here. Second, you don't sound insane, and unless you've ot some freakish altar or something built to this girl, then you're probably pretty normal.

I don't know what the whole story is with your past or why you're worried about friends' reactions, but I'm almost 100% certain you're not going to find out if she's interested in you simply by hanging out at the place where she works. You could end up making yourself look like a stalker or something...don't do that.

Having been in a ton of really shitty relationships, I think I can a relate. I'm extremely initidated by women who are intelligent but I'm terrified of ending up in another bad relationship where I end up getting played.

I'm also about 100% sure you'd stand a better chance if you had the guts to actually say something to her. What's the worst she can say? Please, though, don't be an idiot and ask her out or try to be some mack-daddy in the library. You'd A) probably look like an ass, and B)might get her in trouble.

However...if she works at a reference desk or circulation desk, you could use that as a place to break the ice. Use your time wisely while you're there; do some research for a paper and, well, if you need help finding a book or need to check out some materials, go ask her for some help - no strings or expectations.

Good luck! - ZP

It Ain't Just About Etiquette, Darlin':Blog Critics, the Digital Divide and the Legion of Doom?

I got a link e-mailed to me a while ago. A friend of mine, who'd forgotten my blog URL, hit up some search engine and found a rather bizarre critique of one of my posts at some site called Democratic Underground.

Apparently, some woman I've never met, nicknamed the Scrivener, decided to offer a critique of a post of mine regarding the double-murder of a husband and wife a few weeks ago.

Apparently, this person thought it might be amusing to make fun at the number of people who linked to the accused killer and his girlfriend's blogs, including a college student from Northampton, Mass., a Christian System Administrator's blog, and the 6,000 others who posted about this tragedy.

And then the Scrivener went back to joining the more than 300 thousand bloggers posting about politics.

This friend of mine was wondering what I thought about this and what I was going to post in response. Apparently, she was more appalled than I was.

My reaction?

I literally was rolling on the ground, laughing so hard I could barely breathe. I laughed so hard I got hiccups and I think I bruised my ass when I fell off the couch.

I got this image in my head, of the old Superfriends cartoons (one of my favorites).

I got this vision of my friend visualizing me under attack from some blogger version of the Legion of Doom, the Zenformation Professional doing battle with the mysterious Scrivener.

Jeez, if that were the case, I'd rather be Green Lantern...a cool emerald ring controlled by my will is so much more badass than the ability to bang away on a laptop and hit "Publish Post."

For those out there who take blogging too seriously or think that somehow that the World Wide Web makes them some sort of World Wide Superstar, how about some of the latest statistics - little more than 15 percent of the world's nearly 6.5 billion people have access to the Internet.

Don't take blogging too seriously, because most of the world could really give a rat's ass.

Yeah, that's why they call it a Digital Divide.


Now, off to a Justice League meeting ... heard something at work about the Batmobile losing a wheel and the Joker getting away.

Damn, I hate Spandex.

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Special Shout-Out to Zydeco Fish, who's had some jackass post-bombing his site with worthless drivel, and Stephi over at BlOgbuefi, who's been busting her tail and fighting apathy for the Miami University Students for Staff Living Wage Campaign.

SYRACUSE AIRPORT BLUES: Yeah ... Smooth as a Gravel Road

SYRACUSE, NY (ZP) -- I hate airport bars. Especially in airports lacking proper facilities...like smoking sections. I can completely understand and respect the needs of nonsmokers who don't want to deal with the whole second-hand smoke thing. Fine.

But if you're a militant non puffer and you feel its your duty to remind me that I can't smoke because you noticed a cigarette behind my ear, I feel its well within my right to tell you where you can shove that goddamned overpriced "ultra-light" beer you're drinking.

This woman at the bar thought my outburst was entertaining, I guess. We struck up a conversation, like most airport conversations, about nothing in particular.

Frankie, cowgirl/college student from Arizona... meet Jason, Ohio-based librarian.

Over the course of our conversation about absolutely nothing, I had these curious thoughts distracting me. While I should have been paying full attention to her story about some county fair pageant she entered because her mom wanted her to behave like a girl, part of my brain got sidetracked.

Sure, this woman has beautiful eyes, but what would they look like in 50 years, staring back at me from across some Flagstaff porch? Or just outside Tucson, out in the desert, gleaming against the night sky? Or from behind sweaty hair after a long hike down through a box canyon or...?

Apparently, Frankie noticed my mind was wandering.

"Hello? Earth to library boy...?"

"Um...You have very nice earrings. I like turquoise."

Yeah. I think I've said this before, but I'm not smooth. More like a cross between Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man and Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump.

She had to catch her flight, and she asked me to walk her to her gate. For some reason, she asked for a hug and told me to call her.

I forgot to get her number. Yeah...smooth as a gravel road.

This old alcoholic-looking lady nearby proceeded to give me her unsolicited insights into the world. She said something about how she hoped my "girlfriend" would have a safe flight and that she loved to see nice young men with nice girls and how her dead husband Bernie used to rub her feet when they used to fly TWA.

Lady, I wasn't even smart enough to get a last name. And this woman wasn't my girlfriend; I just met her. And I was too goddamned oblivious to ask her for, you know, practical potential date information, like, you know, a goddamned phone number.

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* NOTE - This is the last of three dispatches regarding my journey into Upstate/Central New York. I promise. Think of it as my travel blog version of Charlie's Angels...You have the smart one, the serious one, and the completely dumb one. This is the dumb one.
- Jason

GRASSROOTS WATCH: ZenFo Pro Joins Kinfolk, Town of Ava in Opposition to OHSWA Landfill

ROME, NY (ZP) -- I was sitting in this bar at the Beeches, this resort-type inn where I'd been boarding for the last few nights.

I couldn't sleep. I tried driving around downtown Rome, a decrepit blue-collar community where Old Milwaukee and Keystone Light billboards seem to be more prevalent than good paying jobs.

I hit a few bars around town, but still no go. Still thinking too much.

I had just spent the day learning about the systematic rape and pillage of the community of Ava at the hands of the State of New York. I had just learned the details of the molestation of some of the Empire State's most pristine countryside to make way for a landfill.

This new dump is, of course, being built by destroying wetlands and threatening wildlife, with only sheets of black plastic stapled into the ground standing between the earth and the pollutants this monstrous pit will contain.

This new dump is, of course, being built on the conscripted bones of old family farms and butting smack-dab against the Veterans' Memorial Forest, an 800-acre swath of land dedicated to the the many who've died in war to protect freedom.

I'd spent the day hearing stories from local community members who've spent more than a decade fighting it, drove past the scores of signs reading "Dump the Dump," "Protect our Children," and "Big $$ or Your Children's Future?"

I've talked to members and supporters of the Adirondack Communities Advisory League, or ACAL, viewing pictures of murky runoff, dead trout, and the effects of the bipartisan screwing of the small farmer.

For decades, New York's elected officials - on every level, from Cuomo to Clinton, from Schumer to Pataki - have failed to protect the environmental well-being of the citizens of Boonville(where The ZenFo Mom was born), West Leyden (where one of the ZenFo Cousins runs a bar), and Ava (home to numerous ZenFo Kin and where the ZenFo Grandpa is interred).

What's the lives of a few thousand rural folk, when there's elections to be won and campaign contributors to blow in NYC, Rochester, Syracuse, Albany, and Buffalo?

And then there's the ominous-sounding Oneida-Herkimer Solid Waste Authority, created in 1988 to build the damned thing. (Is it jus me or does it sound kind of suspicious that three of the nine members of the OHSWA Board of Directors are retirees from defense contractor GE Aerospace?). Apparently, there doesn't seem to be any sort of governmental oversite of this agency, given the fact that they've been getting their asses kicked for almost two decades by farmers in throughout Oneida and Herkimer counties.

How does one write about the home of one's ancestors being turned into a dump?

No wonder I can't sleep.

ONEIDA COUNTY CONFIDENTIAL:Kitchen Table Caucuses Are Still the Places Where Politics Matter

AVA, NY (ZP) -- I sat in the kitchen of a great uncle's farmhouse with about a dozen other relatives, all of us packed around the table digesting one hell of a meal.

On my mom's side of the family, there is no rule prohibiting the discussing politics or religion at the table. In fact, this is expected - one of my great-aunts describes this as the way public opinion is really formed.

My mom's uncles and aunts should know. Their father, my great-grandfather, was a Republican Party boss in this part of the country during the Great Depression. He was apparently a master of old-fashioned politicking; according to legend, limosines from Albany, Utica, Rochester, Rome, and Buffalo poured into this tiny hamlet of 700 for his funeral in the 1960s, bringing a bipartisan slate of elected officials to pay their respects.

Its amazing to me, the more I shake my family tree, the more politicos fall out from the branches. On my dad's side, I have at least one great-great uncle who was a old Democratic Party boss in Louisiana during the same time period, as well as a slew of sheriffs, supervisors, legislators, and the like in Virginia and West Virginia. According to the family history, I also have at least two very distant relatives serving on Capitol Hill.

Thus, during this pre-Thanksgiving meal with the ZenFo Pro's maternal kinfolk, there were disagreements and arguments over the usual stuff - crime, foreign policy, the War on Terror, abortion, etc. But, in the end, there was a strange concensus reached on several key concepts, reached just in time for the coffee and dessert:

• The quality of our elected officials seems to be diminishing exponentially, and the vacuum left by that lack of real leadership poses a bigger threat to the American Experiment than any terrorist group.

• Rampant cosumerism has created a social pandemic; the cardinal American value of personal independence is being systematically destroyed by the whoring out of a nation to irresponsible media, advertising firms, and slick marketing. The susequent dumbing down of our culture is undercutting our reputation abroad.

• There is nothing in the U.S. Constitution ensuring an individual's right to not be offended - in fact, it encourages American citizens to pursue a path quite the opposite. Censors come in all shapes and sizes, political affiliations and ideologies, but in the end all censorship is anti-American, be it backed by the Left or the Right, be it in the form of political correctness or the labeling of antiwar protestors as subversive.

• Politicians are voted for by people, but they're all owned by corporations and special interest groups. Until there's real campaign finance reform, banning all corporate and PAC donations, our forests, water supplies, economic stability, agricultural infrastructure, and education.

Sitting in a farmhouse kitchen, warming next to a woodstove after a hearty meal, discussing politics. There's something very universal and ancient about kitchen caucuses.

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* This will be the first in a series of posts. I just got back and had extremely limited Internet connectivity, so I'm editing the posts from last week. Given the amount of Genesee I had going through my system, figured I'd better do some serious editing.

When Seemingly Good Boyfriends Turn Out to Be Total Bastards:Patron Privacy Trumps Personal Disgust

I see this gorgeous doe-eyed girl in my library all the time. She's in there maybe two or three days a week, either studying on a couch or reading at a table.

She's there long hours. I've gone into work well past nine, she's on her laptop in a corner. I go in early in the morning, she's asleep with her head resting on her hand.

occasionally, while she's in there, this guy comes up - I assume he's her boyfriend, given the way she behaves whenever he's around. Its the way they touch that gives it away. Putting her head in his lap when the pair lounge together on a sofa. Tugging on his ear. Those kinds of things.

I've seen the pair together at least once a week for the past few months.

Kind of cute to see young love in the ol' library. Livens the place up a bit.

Today, I saw the girl. Sitting by herself. All day. The guy finally shows up. She gets excited, they snuggle together, blatant PDA but tolerable.

Then, tonight, less than three hours later, I see the same guy again while I'm filling up at a gas station.

Same guy, very different girl.

They're standing in the doorway of said gas station. Guy's got one hand on the different girl's ass. This different girl has her head on this guy's shoulder.

As I walk in the store to pick up some cigarettes, I notice the guy carrying a pack of my brand and a box of condoms. He grins at me.

Yeah. I know this kind of guy. I should shrug it off, as I've seen this breed before at least a million times, coast-to-coast, sea to shining sea. But I keep thinking about this gorgeous doe-eyed girl who's probably still studying somewhere or eating dinner or writing a paper or something.

And I wonder if the guy realizes that I've probably walked past him a hundred times.

If the guy in question happens to be one of the Oxford readers who frequent this blog, well, let me break him off a little piece...

Just a little bit...

Anybody who knows me knows I'm a bastard, but I've never been this kind of total bastard. Call me a dork, nerd, old-fashioned, or whatever, but why the hell are you going to act a fool and step out on a girl who spends her time studying in a library with a woman who seems to have the personality of a bobble-head?

Why would anybody cheat on a person who obviously knows where she's going in life (hint: smart people use a library)?

I feel its my ethical responsibility to not only protect patron privacy but to also respect it, so you're secret's safe, holmes. Notice I haven't described what you look like, or what you're were wearing, or what either of the girls look like. That's intentional.

Because of my sense of ethical responsibility, I can't walk up to that doe-eyed girl in my library and tell her her boyfriend is a complete duchebag or even what I witnessed - not that it would matter if I did anyway, because who's going to take the word of a complete stranger?

Now, next time I see this beautiful young woman sitting by herself, looking at her watch, I'm going to feel like a complete an utter chump.



Damn, I hate ethical dilemmas.

New Photographs November 2005

"Alumni Hall Rotunda"

"Filter"

"HVAC"

"Electricians Aren't Ugly"

INDIANA CONFIDENTIAL: ZenFo Pro Goes to (Earlham) College, Nearly Seduced by Cobra Tattoo

Richmond, Ind. (ZP) -- It blows my mind the triviality of state borders these days.

Oxford lies about seven miles east of the Indiana border, and about 30 miles north of the Kentucky border.

There have been days, hence, where I've been able to hit all three states in a little over an hour simply by driving in a circle.

I've posted Confidentials concerning Oxford, and lately, Hamilton, Ohio, but I haven't really explored other parts of the region. So this weekend, I decided to meander my way up U.S. 27 towards Richmond, Indiana, in search of adventure.

At first glance, the decaying, weathered exteriors of the city's downtown buildings give off the impression of Richmond being a dying city, a community struggling to balance itself on its last good leg. But, like Butte, Montana, Windsor, Colorado, and scores of other such small cities, rumors of the communities demise have been greatly exaggerated.

Part of the reason lies in the fact that Richmond is the home of Earlham College, the polar opposite of Miami University. A small private college run by the Society of Friends (Quakers), it boasts a student body much smaller (around 2,000 students) with more than twice the multicultural population (17 percent minority enrollment, as opposed to Miami's more than 90 percent white student body.)

My first stop was the mall – a tiny little facility, complete with a mall Santa, a Sears, and, sadly, way too many goth kids hanging out at the Hot Topic.

I met perhaps the most...um...unique...person in the mall parking lot - an off-again, on-again Earlham student who, upon learning that I was a librarian, introduced herself by saying “Call me Ishmael,” a reference to the first line of Moby Dick.

Ishmael (I'll call her Ish from this point forward) offered to give me an insider's tour of downtown Richmond, in exchange for promising that I a) wasn't a serial killer and b) agreeing to give her a lift back to the north side of town to her apartment. She also asked if I was interested in parting with my FireFox tee-shirt, saying that, if I was a “nice guy,” it'd probably end up on her floor anyway.

A five-foot-nothing 20-year-old with jet-black hair, steel-blue eyes, a Minor Threat tee, and a skateboard who gets turned on by open-source software.

Sweet. Try finding that in Oxford. I dare ya.

With an agreement struck, Ish and I hopped in the ZeFomobile and proceeded to go bar-hopping in some of her favorite hangouts.

Let's just say she had a few. Each place was, well, the kind of place I find relaxing. Blue-collar establishments. The strong stench of disinfectant in the air, cold pints, and ready-to-rumble jukeboxes. Rednecks mixing with skater kids. Preppy yuppies-in-training drinking in the same bars as portly bikers and bearded plumbers. Artists and poets discussing politics and plotting social upheaval.

Holy shit. I've got to get up to Richmond more often.

I had the opportunity to meet several of Earlham and Richmond's finest. This included one young woman who sported an awesome-looking tattoo of a cobra on her lower back and who wanted to one day “break” a male Miami student, a guy who goes by “Stoner” who has never smoked a joint in his life, and a Philosophy student who's only goal in life is to build a house out of Legos.

After an afternoon of drinking, Ish and her roommates were kind enough to allow me the opportunity to grab a shower (true to her word, Ish did indeed steal my FireFox shirt but gave me one of her roommate's in exchange) and crash on the most comfortable couch I've slept on in ages.

Before I left, I exchanged e-mails (Ish and her roomies don't have a phone nor does Ish own a cell phone) and installed OpenOffice 2.0 on two laptops while listening to Le Tigre...

What can I say? An information bounty killer's job is never done.

Richmond, Indiana, is not dead nor is it dying anytime soon.

HOMEFRONT SHOUT-OUT:Local OxBlogger Braves Cold to Raise Living Wage Awareness

Who says there's no social activism at Miami?

I have to give a shoutout to Ogbuefi Stephi at blOgbuefi, who braved 20 degree weather to hand out fliers in an effort to raise awareness about the need for a living wage standard at Miami.

Stephi is part of a group, Students for Staff, dedicated to helping improve the pay rate for university employees.

The university's labor contract expires next June. Classified staff members went on strike two years ago, and the campus group seeks to avoid another work stoppage by advocating a more fair pay scale.

This woman stopped by office Thursday to say hi, pamphlets in her hand, fully-loaded backpack, bundled up and ready to raise a little social consciousness at her U.

She and her fellow campaigners canvased the campus, hitting the major student areas.

From what I've heard, there were a lot of staff who noticed.

Kudos, Steph! We still have to find time for coffee. I'm buying.

Stupid Politician Tricks: Dick's Got Backbone Problems; Chavez and Fox Throw Tantrums

Now, a quick look at more stupid politician tricks from around the globe...


U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney's recent attack on Iraq War opponents earns him the top spot this week.

So peace activists are spineless, Mr. Vice President? Rewriting history, Mr. Vice-President?

Wow. That takes some major cajones, Mr. Cheney. I'm all in favor on not rewriting history.

Since we're being so honest about history, let's take a look at some history.

The current president, your boss, spent the Vietnam conflict protecting the frigging Gulf Coast from the Viet Cong while thousands of men died and defended their country. And working on political campaigns was way more important than actually showing up for duty, right?

Mr. Cheney, how many deferrments did you get to keep your brave ass out of Southeast Asia? Five? Must've been nice, sitting all warm and cozy back in the States while guys like John McCain, John Kerry, Max Cleland, and scores of others went into the meatgrinder. Hey, at least you got a daughter out of it. A lot of folks came out of Vietnam missing sons , bothers, husbands, and lovers.

Of course we don't want anybody revising history, Mr. Cheney.

Sure, those who actually fought and died didn't have the backbone to have rich mommies and daddies, friends who could pull strings, or the ability to use pregnancy to get out of fighting a war.

You're such a brave guy, Dick. I wish I had your kind of backbone.

I always wondered what it would be like to have the fortitude of a chickenhawk and the spine of a jellyfish.

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Tied for the No. 2 spot this week...

Venezuela's Hugo Chavez(left) and Mexico's Vicente Fox earn weekly honors for their territorial pissing contest this week.

Chavez apparently decided it was appropriate to pick a fight with Mexico, referring to the Mexican president as an American lapdog and several other nasty things. Fox demanded an apology from the Venezuelan president. Both countries have reportedly withdrawn ambassadors over the presidential sissy fight.

Both Central American leaders have now managed to become the Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie of international politics.

In a related news item, like, oh my God, I think Lindsay Lohan may have, like, totally pissed off, like Fidel Castro.

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Sometimes, Its Fun to Be a Bit Cheeky...

Whenever it gets cold, overcast, with snow flurries, etc., my natural instinct is to get a bit depressed. Ohio winter is a constant reminder that I no longer have the luxury of Southeast Louisiana winter (where frost makes the nightly news as a major event) or Southern California winter (San Diego kids in polar outfits when the weather hits 60 degrees or so).

To combat the arrival-of-a-nasty-cold-front blues, I tried to add a little cheekiness to my anything-but-normal work routine. Sang songs in the stairwells, complimented several folks on their work, hair, things I don't normally do. I get that bizarre tendency to be chipper at inappropriate times from my grandmother...

Part of my chipperness is probably the result of external forces. Somebody made a comment while I was getting coffee this morning assuming that I was seeing somebody that I was not. Caught me completely off-guard, but the idea that somebody would even vaguely think that somebody like this girl and I would be romantically linked was so insane (there's no way in hell such a normal, smart, sweet person would be ever involved with a dumbass palooka like myself) but flattering nonetheless.

For those unaware, or who have some kind of bizarre image of me as being some kind of ladies man or something, well, jeez...I'm kind of lame. Really. And I gots me some baggage - designer baggage, at that. And I read too much.

But there's nothing like being imaginarily linked to someone way out of your league to make a dreary day seem a bit nicer...

Tagged Via Primate Panties...Ms. Monkeythong Drops the Music Science

Ms. Monkeythong, The Librarian Sock Monkey has hit me up with a music tag. Since I feel I've been posting way too much serious stuff lately, there's no time like the present to answer a buddy's tag...

"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs...."

Allora...

1.) "Folsom Prison Blues" - Cash

2.) "Lift Us Up" by Bonnie Prince Billy/Matt Sweeney AKA Superwolf

3.) The entire DangerDoom album.

4.) "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (The Tori Amos cover)

5.) Anything by Leadbelly I can get my hands on.

6.) "Rock You Like a Hurricane" The Scorpions/Berlin Philharmonic version

7.) "Big Iron" Marty Robbins

Consider yourself tagged.

Teens, Guns, Murder, and Cyberspace... PART II

Messages leave few clues to teens' fate
In Web postings Lititz pair discusses soccer, prayer groups, computers, Music

Susan E. Lindt, And Aileen Humphreys,
The Lancaster (PA) Intelligencer Journal

LANCASTER COUNTY, PA - David G. Ludwig and Kara Beth Borden never could have known their private Web sites would become public fodder.

The Lititz teenagers were whisked from public view Monday after their televised capture in Indiana, but their online diaries, or blogs, now are being consumed by the public.

They paint a picture of two teens interested in prayer, sports, computers, friends and "hanging out." Their lighthearted postings give little clue of the violent path their lives would take...

- FULL ARTICLE HERE -

There may be a few folks out in the Blogosphere operating under the erroneous assumption that blogs are somehow private affairs, that simply by not choosing to list something in a public directory makes information secure. Or that faculty, parents, employers, etc, can't get access to services like the Facebook, leaving one free to slander, discuss "secret" relationships, etc.

And let's not forget that there are some crazy nutjobs floating around cyberspace.

NOTHING is completely secure online. Never assume otherwise. Someone will always be able to track information down.

Want to protect your personal information and garauntee security? Try the old-fashioned paper journal.

The World Wide Web is the Wild West of information. And you never know, really, if those reading are the valant heroes in white hats or sinister villians in black hats.

Teens, Guns, Murder, and Cyberspace...

For those who might have missed it, an 18-year-old Pennsylvania teen has been named as the principle suspect in the double murder of his 14-year-old girlfriend's parents.

The pair were recently apprehended in Indiana after being spotted by a truck stop employee.

The suspected motivation?

Curfew and the parent's disapproval of David Ludwig and Kara Beth Borden's relationship.

Without passing judgment, the ol' ZenFo Pro has tracked down the teens' blogs, which will no doubt be used as evidence in any criminal investigation.

I've decided to repost the links to the pair's Xanga pages, a stark reminder of why parents REALLY need to understand what's going on in their children's online lives.

- LUDWIG'S BLOG, CLICK HERE -

- BORDEN"S BLOG, CLICK HERE -

RENEW MY ALA MEMBERSHIP? PLEASE....Why The American Library Association Won't Be Getting Any More of My Money

My American Library Association membership expired Oct. 31. After debating for a grand total of, oh, 20 seconds, I finally decided that my annual dues would be better spent elsewhere - to support my Equal Exchange fairly-traded coffee addiction, donations to Katrina relief, and contributions to local charities.

As a former ALA student chapter Secretary and President, I thought I'd last longer than most Gen-X libs I know. But, alas, three years was the maximum time I could actually stomach being a member. I'm sure there's a few more traditional librarians reading this, gasping for air at the huge sucking sound created by yet another Gen-X librarian bailing on the mothership.

I guess part of it is the over-politicizing of conferences, with the professional organization trying to adopt more and more political stances on everything from the U.S. embargo of Cuba to the Iraq War. While I agree with some of the more progressive ideas espoused, ALA's political showmanship has all the impact of the fucking Girl Scouts speaking out on certain national and international foreign policies. Actually, the Girl Scouts probably have more clout...at least they sell cookies.

Additionally, the technophobic and anti-Google rhetoric is a turn-off. How can some members of a professional organization dedicated to the equal access of information have such opposition to the use of ICT? Is it ego? Information Science penis-envy?

Anyway, here are my other reasons for jumping ship on the American Library Association:

1. I don't feel ALA represents information professionals equally across the board. In recent decades, the Society of American Archivists, the American Society of Information Science and Technology, the Special Library Association, and others have gained numerous members at the expense of ALA. While the information professional community refocuses itself in anticipation of major shifts and rifts in the 21st century, ALA holds onto its frigging READ campaign for dear life. Its focus remains - and will remain - book-centric for decades. The focus should be on universal information access and media-independence.

2. Eventually, there will be a major shift in the international information marketplace, and ALA is totally unprepared for it.

3. The internal power struggles between factions drives me nuts. Academic -vs.- public-vs.- special librarians? Who really gives a shit, really? Most of the time, the differences end up being minor and territorial, which misses the big picture. I'm not concerned with preserving some librarian caste-system. I'm interested in maintaining collections and making them available to users across the board.

4. The ALA has no tangible power to control the quality of librarian and staff education, training, professional practices, etc. There are no enforceable standards for professional ethics to ensure that librarians are actually doing their jobs and abiding by the ALA Code of Ethics or the Library Bill of Rights.

5. I believe that we need an allied information professional organization, an international standards organization that incorporates all aspects of the Information Age from around the globe. Why have an ALA or British Library Association when one could just as easily create the United Nations of information access?

So, to the American Library Association --

"Nice knowing you, but I think we need to see other people. Its not you...it's me, really."

The Hidden Costs of Tunnel Vision Foreign Policy

Iraq and the Crisis of American diplomacy
Posted by Suzanne Nossel, Senior Fellow at the Security and Peace Institute
Via Democracy Arsenal:

During her confirmation hearings, Secretary of State Condi Rice said 'the time for diplomacy is now.' The sad thing is, it isn't working. A dizzying schedule of trips abroad and a new tone coming from Foggy Bottom have not pulled American diplomacy out of crisis.

The strains in our relationships, our diminished influence and our inability to bear down and get things done is affecting issues small and big, immediate and long-term...

- READ THE REST HERE -

I'm probably the only person in Oxford who spends his Sundays in a Laundromat discussing Ethiopian politics via cell phone.

I finally was able to get ahold of my friend Mesi to find out how her family's been doing back in Addis Ababa - to make sure everybody's doing okay, that nobody she knows actually got picked up by Meles Zenawi's government in last week's bloody uprising.

Everybody's fine. Thank God.

But Ethiopia's not.

Neither is neighboring Eritrea, that nation's sibling and most bitter rival for political dominance. Nor is much of the Horn of Africa. If the two nations ever start shooting at one another again, Africa will experience the largest military engagement in modern history. If either of those nations develops a nuclear arsenal, North Africa will more than likely become ground zero for World War Three.

Mesi and I started talking a bit about her experiences growing up and other tales from "back home." Stories of watching American armored vehicles driven by British-trained Ethiopian military, carrying American made weapons. Before that, when the Derg were in power, the weapons were Soviet-made. And before that, during the reign of Emperor Selassie, back when Ethiopia and Eritrea were marginally unified, the weapons poured in from the West to keep the country on the "right" side of the Cold War.

Now both nations, more than a decade removed a bloody civil war, are full of American and European weapons with no real democratic leadership on the horizon.

Imagine sticking a stick of dynamite in the microwave, if you will. How long before someone flips the right switch and blows up half the neighborhood?

ZENFORMATION MAIL THIS WEEK:A Punker Challenge, Library Research, and Mark Warner's Chances in 2008

* NOTE - These are e-mails I've received in the last week. Again, as always, thanks for stopping by and thanks for the feedback. I have removed all identifiers in the queries to protect privacy, even of the haters. Have a question for the ZenFo Pro? E-mail me here. Please include "Dear ZenFo Pro" in the subject line. Not promising to answer every question, but I'll give it my best shot.

E-mail text is unedited (other than identifiers) and some content may be objectionable to some folks.

- Jason,

AKA The Zenformation Professional

---

so your a punk fan huh? only ppl i've met from oxford who think their real punks are snotty little rich kiddies and whiny emo bitches. your profile says you like punk but can you prove it? and how many tats do you have? answer me on your blog if your not a pussy.

- Female, CINCINNATI, OHIO

ZenFo Pro Response:
Well, Cincy...I hope I can answer your questions to your satisfaction. Yes, I'm a punker of the old school. Not Green Day a la Dookie old school, but OLD SCHOOL. And yes, there seems to be a few poseurs here in Oxford and at Miami, but that's a problem everywhere. The harder someone tries to look like a punker, the less likely they really enjoy the music or know anything about it.

As for proving I'm who I say I am, maybe this helps. Here's a list of ten of my favorite punk songs of the moment, in no particular order:

John Wayne was a Nazi - MDC/The Stains
Livin' in the City - Fear
Holiday in Cambodia - The Dead Kennedys
The KKK Took My Baby Away - The Ramones
The Dicks Hate The Police - The Dicks
Mommy's Little Monster - Social Distortion
The Legend of Pat Brown - The Vandals
Sliver - Nirvana
Cars and Girls - The Dictators
Fields of Athenry -The Dropkick Murphys

I have no tats, but I do have other "scene markings." I have a scar above my right eye from a mosh pit incident involving a skinhead and lets just say a not-so-friendly discussion about race relations, circa 1994 or 95. I did have about a dozen piercings at one time, but they disappeared about the time I realized that it was way too easy for society to write me off as another wasted youth.

And, rest assured, I'm not one of those whiny emo bitches. Emo is the greatest marketing swindle in the history of underground music (when did it become cool for skinny white kids to run around complaining about how they hate looking like frigging supermodels and being the preppy kids? Or for 25-30 year-olds to sing about getting head in a Denny's after their high school prom?)

---

okay--just read a post where you answered a q about libraries and stuff so i guess i'll ask you. i'm a miami student and i have papers like coming out my ass this semester but i can't find anything. and the numbers on the books aren't like the ones at the library in dayton. i'm so lost, so please help!

- Male, OXFORD, OHIO

ZenFo Pro Response:
Finding information in an academic library can be tough, especially if you're not sure what you're doing or if you can't seem to find anything relevant to your topic. I recommend swinging by the Information Desk and/or scheduling a consultation with a librarian. Don't expect to get answers instantly - research takes time and patience. And don't expect the librarian or any library staff to just give you everything you need, either. Academic librarians are here to show you ways to narrow your research, to familiarize yourself with the online and print resources, and to move your research forward - not to do your research for you

As for the numbering of the books...I'm assuming you used Dayton Metro Public...those funny little numbers are called call numbers.

Most public libraries in the U.S. use what's called the Dewey Decimal classification to organize their collections. Most university and college libraries, on the other hand, use whats called the Library of Congress (LC) classification. You may be confused because you're used to looking for Dewey numbers when searching shelves - and now you have to figure out what those pesky letters mean at the beginning of Miami's call numbers, right?

Again, stop by the Help Desk and they'll be happy to explain it. Or click here for information on what those letters at the beginning of the numbers mean.

---

I was just wondering what you thought about the rest of the elections this week. I agree with you totally that Dems made too big of a deal out of Do you think our governor here Mark Warner should run for president in 2008? I think he's a bit too conservative for most progressives to vote for.

- Female, RICHMOND, VA

ZenFo Pro Response:
I definitely think Warner stands a better chance than most people mentioned as possible Democratic candidates for the 2008 elections. Hillary Clinton has been named by a couple folks as being a frontrunner, but personally I think she'll get eaten alive - too much mud and baggage from her husband's presidency. Warner seems to be a centrist and have more populist leanings - even some of my conservative Virginia relatives seem to like him, compared to the apathy towards Al Gore in 2000 and the loathing of John Kerry in 2004.

The way I see it, Warner's got several things going for him. For one, he's a Southern governor. Two, he's not George Bush - which I think will be key in this next presidential go-round. And three, he knows how to do something that neither Kerry nor Gore could manage to do - win elections that matter when they matter. For those unfamiliar with Virginia politics, this was a big election. Had the GOP candidate won, Virginia would have regressed back into being a home for conservative hardliners.

I think I've said this before, but I don't think conservative-vs.-progressive matters a whole hell of a lot to your average American. The whole Blue-vs.-Red State thing is a media construct, aimed at dumbing the American public down into two warring camps. I think, in reality, Joe and Jane Sixpack vote for the candidate that comes across as the most populist. That's how Bush won two elections - by billing his opponents as members of the Elite Left. And I think both the Gore and Kerry campaigns took the bait, playing right into Karl Rove's hands, coming across as know-it-alls or as stiff politicos. The Bush White House, up until recently, had been doing an excellent job at casting the president as the American Everyman - a total lie, of course, but a well-crafted public persona nonetheless.

HIGHWAY TO HOLY SHIT DEPT:Pat Robertson's Still Alive???

Pardon the pun, but Jesus H. Christ...

On behalf of sane Virginians everywhere, please remember that if Pat Robertson weren't playing Revelation Meteorologist, he'd probably still be peddling black market diamonds for Third World dictators.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck.

Robertson, a former Republican presidential candidate and founder of the influential conservative Christian Broadcasting Network and Christian Coalition, has a long record of similar apocalyptic warnings and provocative statements....

-READ THE REST HERE -

Why does this guy keep making these predictions? Well, it makes money. There are tons of old ladies living off canned catfood, happy to subsidize his humble lifestyle. Of course, they're afraid that if they don't ship out their pensions, the world will end.

CALIFORNIA SPECIAL ELECTION: Schwarzenegger's Loss is Not a Democratic Victory

Note to California Democratic Party:

Don't gloat. There ain't no free pass coming, so watch your ass.

Because if you don't actually come up with a less territorial fiscal spending plan, you'll be the ones getting bludgeoned next year.

California taxpayers just spent $50 million in tax revenue on a not-so-special election and an estimated $250 million in donations bickering over blatantly partisan ballot initiatives.

Sure, taxpayers saw right through Arnold Schwarzenegger and the California GOP's plan and they struck each of the propositions down.

For many prominent California Democrats, this was somehow seen as a victory. Warren Beatty, a possible Democratic opponent of Schwarzenegger in next year's gubenatorial race, was seen giving speeches. Other prominent California Dems were seen at special-interest group photo ops the night of the election, grandstanding and basking in Sacramento's long dirty shadow.

What the hell is there to celebrate, exactly, if you're a progressive politico?

The people of California - be they progressive, populist, socialist, conservative, fascist, or totalitarian - aren't looking to celebrate.

California's educational system is almost bankrupt, there's little or no money available for improvement projects or government services. Without a drastic change in how Sacramento does business, taxpayers will be the ones expected to take one for the team when that $600 billion deficit rolls into town.

Unless the Democratic leadership has some secret plan nobody knows about, then they'd better shut up and get to work.

The Democrat-controlled legislature needs to realize that even the most diehard Joe Sixpack supporters of the state party realize that the "keep spending til we've fixed everything" model doesn't work without the money to pay for it.

Now is the time to begin some seeking real bi-partisan solutions before political careers reach their conclusions.

Could War-Torn Liberia Produce Africa's First Woman President?

Its about time something went right for the people of Liberia...

As of Nov. 9, Harvard-educated Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf had 56.4 percent of Tuesday's run-off election with results in from 59 percent of polling stations across Liberia, the head of the National Election Commission said.

Former FIFA Player of the Year George Weah had 43.6 percent of the vote.

If Johnson-Sirleaf's lead holds, she will be the Africa's first democratically elected female head of state.


Apparently, international monitoring agencies are reporting a relatively smooth election.

That's pretty badass.

-MORE COVERAGE HERE -

Zenformation Playlist November 8, 2005:Been a While Since I posted One of These Things...

1. Dust My Broom - Robert Johnson
You can't Beat Robert Johnson for a Monday evening. Right now, I'd sell my soul to the Devil to play delta blues guitar like that.

2. Don't Make Waves (LIVE) - The Gossip
Needed a little aggression and guitar-and-drums. And that lousy small club live recording sound.

3. Removed - Calexico
Not one of my favorite Calexico tracks, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

4. Rape the Day - Tomahawk (MP3)
Mike Patton is probably one of the hardest working musicians out there. Yeah, he was the Faith No More frontman. He's rocked out with bands Fantomas and Mr. Buggle. Tomahak is a musical project that includes members of the Melvins, Helmet, and the Jesus Lizard.

5. Change the World with My Hockey Stick - The Vandals (MP3)
Such a bizarre song to come out of...well, Southern California.

6. Rock Me Amadeus - Falco
Yes, I know, its frigging Falco. I think this song is banned in about 23 countries by now. But I'm having flashbacks, I think. I swear I actually saw a guy who looked like Falco this afternoon.

7. The Winds of War - Jedi Mind Tricks
Occassionally, I'm bump this song whilst watching footage from Iraq. A good portion of those fighting over there - dying over there - are hip-hop fans. Its a shame more rappers are worried about selling Pimp Juice and plastering diamonds in their grills than speaking out against the slaughter of their fan base. Oh yeah, I forgot! Hip-hop's not about speaking out anymore. Silly me.

8. What a Wonderful World - Joey Ramone
Shortly bfore he died, Joey recorded a solo album that included this opening track. Not as good as most of the Ramones catalog, but still an awesome Louis Armstrong cover.

9. Out of Control - Rocket From the Crypt
Another punk/ska band in the same vein as the previous track.

10. There's No Way I Can Talk Myself Out of This One Tonight - Texas is the Reason
Long song title. Interesting little ditty that I haven't heard in a while.

11. Come Back Jackie - The Toy Dolls
One of those damned catchy, classic Brit punk songs. Annoying vocals that are somehow melodic. Three chords. At three minutes, a regular frigging power ballad when compared to most punk songs of its era.

Stupid Politician Tricks:From Ethiopia to Burma to Europe

FROM AFRICA:

ADDIS ABABA - Ethiopian Prime Minister Meles Zenawi(at left) continues to pursue "reform" in the East African nation, with 24 senior opposition members, civic leaders and journalists making an appearance in a closed court today.

They have yet to be charged with anything, yet have been denied bail. Apparently, protesting over possible election fraud is reason enough for the use of excessive force in the Zenawi government. Of course, when that possible election fraud appears to benefit your party (Zenawi's party now controls 2/3 of the Ethiopian parliament), its so easy to deem protesters enemies of the state.

Wow. Those pesky protesters. I'm sure the families of people like 18-year-old Abyei Mulat find comfort in the fact that both the Meles government and the opposition would rather yell at each other than compromise.

The European Union and US government responded in full force, having the British ambassador publicly...read a note?!?

Well, it was a harsh-sounding note...

---

IN ASIA....

RANGOON, BURMA - Ah...the perks of being one of the world's most eccentric dictators...

Than Shwe, (at left) the brutal cult-of-personality currently running Burma with an iron fist, has ordered government employees to trek halfway across the country to the world's newest - yet barely finished - seat of government.

The employees were ordered to make the 200-mile journey at exactly 6:30 a.m. Sunday, at the advice of Than's senior...astrologer.

Move over Miss Cleo...

Oh yeah, did I mention this new metaphysical mecca was built with the use of forced labor?

---

FROM EUROPE...

German publication Der Speigel finally hits the nail on the head when it comes to the current rioting in France and the problems with Europe's not-so-hidden version of Jim Crow...

Meanwhile, back in Paris...

Dominique de Villepin's (at left) government has decided to impose a curfew as a way to end the violent protests.

Yeah, that's going to go over BIG amongst the protestors.

Maybe the French PM should try having the British ambassador in Paris read a note.

That seems to be working in Ethiopia.

HAMILTON CONFIDENTIAL: ¿Cómo se dice "Shift Gears, Dammit!"?

HAMILTON, Ohio (ZP) -- There's a striking difference between the so-called "Public-Ivy" mystique of Oxford and its nearest urban neighbor, Hamilton.

Oxford and Miami University exist in this wierd amalgamation of 1950s "Leave It to Beaver" nostalgia and MTV morality - complete with unreported sexual assaults, underreported substance abuse, and the illusion that popular culture begins and ends with the L.L. Bean catalogue.

Hamilton is a community as real as the nightly news, a snapshot of simple and hardscrabble existence painted with NASCAR shirts by calloused hands in vivid pawn shop Technicolor.

Living in the artificially maintained, blue-blood world of Oxford, the temptation to forget my blue-collar roots is a constant. As the old saying goes, if you forget where you come from, you'll never get where you're going.

So I try to get down to Hamilton as often as possible. Saturday was a perfect opportunity. This guy I know asked me if I'd be willing to "babysit" his daughter-in-law's sister this weekend. He had to work this weekend, his daughter-in-law was in North Carolina waiting for her hubby to get back from Iraq.

I said sure. He gave me an address and a cell number. No clue why an adult woman would need a "babysitter."

Yeah.

He forgot to mention two really important things. For one, the girl, L., speaks only a little English (she's visiting from Mexico). Two, the girl has a completely unrealistic idea about the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave - not everyone in their 20s dresses like Eminem or thinks 50 Cent is "da bomb."

We had a great time anyway, despite the fact that she had this tendency to be a bit touchy-feely and seemed to be under the impression that we were on a date or something.

Don't know why I got that vibe from her - maybe it was the purple lipstick and Chanel No. 5 on a Saturday morning. Or the micro-mini in frigging October.

I guess the touchy-feeliness came from the language barrier. Her English wasn't as bad as I first thought. And I guess my busted-ass Spanglish wasn't as horrible as I thought. But sometimes you just have to reach out and touch somebody to communicate.

We had lunch, hit up the mall in nearby Fairfield, and a couple of thrift stores. On the way back, she asked if she could drive my truck - I thought she was trying to say she'd never driven a pick-up before and wanted to give it a shot.

Of course, I misunderstood. She had never driven a stick-shift before. Start the truck, off the clutch, truck lurches and dies. She tries again. Start the truck, off the clutch, move four inches, and the truck...lurches and dies.

After a 30 minute lesson, I felt comfortable enough letting her drive the five blocks back. Past the second light, I realized I'd forgotten one key component to my instruction:

There's more than one damned gear. ¿Cómo se dice "Shift Gears, Dammit!"?

My little Ranger sounded like a golf cart on heroin, cruising at 20-25 miles an hour in first gear. I slid down into the passenger seat, pulled my hat down over my eyes. I was sure I was going to die. Or that my pick-up would never run well again.

She had fun though.

Zenformation Mail:"Reflective" Sex Lives, My Flat Butt, and Why Library Instruction is Boring

* NOTE - These are e-mails I've received via the Zenformation Professional e-mail link in my profile. I have removed all identifiers in the queries to protect privacy, even of the ZenFo haters. No names from this point on - just cities. I reserve the right to NOT answer questions about my personal life but may answer them privately. I will only post e-mails and responses that specifically ask me to post a response; however, no advertising or hotlinking will be allowed.

E-mail text is unedited (other than identifiers) and some content may be objectionable to some folks.

- Jason,

AKA The Zenformation Professional

---

Okay smartass...I've been wading through your psudointellectual bullshit for months now and I think you're a prime example of the treasonous venomous lies the Extreme Left puts out. I wanted you to know i think all youre bitching and moaning about Conservatives (we are the mainstream) is probably reflective in
your sex life. or your a fag.

- OXFORD, OHIO

ZenFo Pro Response:
Dude, I can appreciate your political differences with the content of my blog. I consider myself a populist more than a member of the Extreme Left, but your views are your views. I'm not quite sure how my political views are "reflective" in my sex life. Or how you can surmise that I'm somehow gay based on my writing. Either way, I don't think you're helping further your political orientation by sending nasty e-mails to a blog.

I see you in [a] Library all the time and I've wanted you to know you have a nice ass. Please post this. My friend at [an East Coast] University also reads your site and doesn't think i hav the guts to send you an e-mail :)

- OXFORD, OHIO

ZenFo Pro Response:
No problem. Posted. Obviously you have more guts than your friend believes you do. I appreciate the compliment, but, well, I'll be the first to admit I have a pretty ordinary butt. And thanks for not bringing that up while I'm at work. And, since I'm not sure who I'm answering, please feel free to say hi whenever you're in my library.

My roomate and i are having an argument about plagarism. she says that some profs have software that can pick out stolen papers. i say she's full of shit because students would know about it. who's right???
- PHOENIX, ARIZ.

ZenFo Pro Response:
I hope you didn't bet on this one, because your roomie is indeed correct. There is anti-plagiarism software out there, but a saavy college instructor can spot lifted material a mile away. There are many other tools at their disposal. For a description of the numerous ways faculty can catch a cheat, click here.

You seem like a cool guy and I totally groove out to a lot of the same tunes you do. why the fuck did you become a librarian? And why do my professors always bring in the most boring ppl to show us how to search for books? its like so lame sometimes and i fall asleep.
- NO CITY PROVIDED

Thanks for the compliments. As for why I became a librarian, well, it seemed like a cool thing to do. And I've never regretted it. I had a blast in Library School, actually. As for why your instructors bring in librarians to teach what we call "Bibliographic Instruction," well, it depends on the professor. Some profs really bring in libbies to babysit students; the majority (I hope) actually want academic librarians to teach their students how to be better researchers. If you find yourself bored senseless, you can help improve everyone's experience by sharing your experience with the librarian. It could be he/she has no clue that they're coming across as boring. Librarians are there to help make you a better researcher. Knowing what you need always helps.

I'm just curious. I love your stories about you personal life and i can so relate but what's the strangest thing you've ever had happen to you at your job? You never talk much about your job and i just wanted to know.
- LINCOLN, NEB.

ZenFo Pro Response:
I'm glad somebody can relate, seriously. I choose not to talk much about my professional life because I really have no complaints. I love my job and my colleagues. Perhaps the strangest occurances I've experienced have happened because of this blog. Two weeks ago, a group of female patrons sat on couches for two or three days, huddled around an iBook and staring at me every time I walked by. It really creeped me out a bit, but I ran into one of the women in an elevator the other day. She said she and her friends were afraid to say anything to me because they were intimidated by me and I guess thought I'd make fun of them or something. I dunno...do I come across as intimidating?

WHY PARIS IS BURNING:The French Handling of Its "Scum" Reflective of Europe's Bigger Problems

PARIS - The worst outbreak of urban violence in France in 15 years has triggered renewed fears about the country's alienated Muslim youths and rattled the Government.

The clashes in the Paris down-at-heel suburb of Clichy-sous-Bois spread into nearby towns with high immigrant populations, an indication of growing unrest among immigrant communities...

- READ FULL COVERAGE HERE VIA THE NEW ZEALAND HERALD -

I remember going out to lunch with a Paris-born colleague of mine back in California years ago. During the meal, we ended up getting on the subject of race relations in the U.S.; she was fascinated by the fact that a white Southerner like myself had - gasp! - only dated a grand total of one WASP while a teenager. I remember explaining that that was just how the cards fell - race has never been a criteria for attraction for me.

I remember, too, her reaction when I turned the tables on her, asking how many non-white people she had dated growing up in Paris.

She got defensive. Her friends would've laughed at her if she'd ever dated an Algerian or a Moroccan immigrant. I remember vividly how she always used the word immigrants when referring to people of color in France; not as Afro-French or Sino-French, but as immigrant. When she would refer to the French people, it was clear she was referring only to people of European decent.

In the time since that lunch date, I've met many more people from Europe, including those same immigrants, some of them supposedly still considered diaspora two, three generations removed from Algiers, Tripoli, and the Congo. Almost all have had some story of feeling like outcasts, French or German yet not French or German, second-class citizens in their own birth countries.

The white Europeans I've met, none of whom I'd classify as racist or bigoted in intent, have often used the same language to distinguish themselves from those who've come from former European occupied territories in Asia and Africa.

Reminds me a lot of the stories and experiences I grew up hearing from Civil Rights Movement veterans, from both sides of the Movement.

Watching Paris erupt into violence these last few days, with France's immigrants rising up from their government-designed holding pens, the harsh gaping wounds of post-colonial Europe are now being broadcast around the world - once again.

"The violence is an expression of despair, fury, a feeling of injustice...For the last 25 years, no government, be it right or left, has been able to tackle this structural problem ... France can't cope with the fact that its model of integration is all at sea."

- Michel Wieviorka, School for Higher Studies in Social Science

While people have long made jokes about the Jim Crow embarrassment of the American South, most of those comments are merely relics of the past. Sure, there's still groups like the Klan and race-relation problems, but there is public outcry that follows these days, regardless of race. When South Carolina refused to finally retire the ol' Stars and Bars from atop its Capital, there was media coverage and protesters of every race, color and creed.

And most were Southerners, reaching for MLK's dream, marching to the top of that hill, demanding to be free at last from the past.

And now part of Paris are burning. And immigrant protesters are rioting; those riots may be spreading to the rest of France, to its ghettos and government housing projects.

The French government? Its response has been to tear-gas mosques. Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy has been displaying the kind of rhetoric that would've made George Wallace proud, adding gasoline to France's integration fire.

I wonder what my lunch partner those years ago thinks of all this? Is she sitting in her Paris loft, yelling at the television about how a government could let these immigrants get out of hand? Or is she demanding that her government work towards peace?

For some reason, I really hope she's thinking about how France can become a country for all of its people.

THE KOAN OF THE SACRED [FWD:]

Only a man whose heart is pure can wield the knife, and only a man whose ass is narrow can get down these steps. And if mine's is such an ass, then I shall have it.

- Eddie Murphy, from The Golden Child

I remember the early days of web-based e-mail, the days before junk mail filters, Nigerian money-laundering schemes, and penis-enlargement advertisements. Back in the days when Hotmail and Yahoo were pretty much the only games in cyberspace. Sure, there were UNIX-based e-mail clients, with names like BLUE and PINE. But they were clunky and required basically a memory full of command lines...or a cheat sheet.

It blows my mind how far we've come in the last decade.

One of the stalwarts of e-mail, that annoying 9-year-old cousin in your inbox that has long refused to grow up, has been the 21-questions-about-nothing chainmail.

You know, the ones you've filled out at least a dozen times already? The tedious forms where one fills in information about favorite colors and birthdays and first loves and favorite flavor of ice cream and...

Well, you get the point.

For the first time in years, I finally got one that was, well, a bit deeper than most. I actually had to, well, think. Think about deep things.

I'm starting to think there's some secret society out there that's been collecting responses to these things for the last decade.

Now that they know our favorite colors and first crushes, what will they do with this information?

---

Answer these seven questions and send it to whoever you like:

1. You're in a room with Jesus, the Buddha, Lao Tze, and the Prophet Muhammed. They ask you if you think they made a positive influence in the world. How do you answer, in five words or less?

You provided us with hope.

2. If you could end three - and only three - of the world's biggest problems, what would they be?

Poverty, hunger, war.

3. In 1945, the United States became the only country to deploy nuclear weapons in a war, destroying two Japanese cities. The justification for this was that a land invasion would've cost possibly two to three times as many lives on both sides. If you were Harry Truman, would you have made the same decision?

Yes.

4. Given only these two choices, would you (a) choose to have an enormously successful sex life and never again fall in love, or (b) fall in love and never again have sex?

Tough one... B.

5. Which one (and only one) of the following would you choose, if you had to choose a lover tomorrow? (a) a person of strong mind but weak will, (b) a person of weak mind but strong willed, or (c) a person of weak mind and will but who is only physically attractive to you? Why?

B. A weak mind can be fed.

6. Would you lie to someone if you knew the truth would end your friendship/relationship?

No.

7. Kindness. Is this a concept that have value (like money or other tangible things) or does it exist as simply emotion? Why?

I think it has value, but that value lies in the emotion.

---

Damn, that gave me a headache.

At least I didn't get threatened with seven years of bad luck for not sending the e-mail to seven people in seven minutes.

...And Then, On a Crisp Ohio Evening...Tuesday of the Living Drunk Girls

I'm taking a stroll through Oxford in an area known as the "Square Mile."

As I'm walking back to my truck to head home, a female college student walks up beside me and grins.

Actually, she sort of stumbled into me. I could smell the smell of vodka on her breath.

"Hey...why didn't you wave back when I waved at you?"

Slurring her words badly. Greek letters on her sweatshirt. Some famous clothing line branded down the leg of her sweatpants.

"Do I know you?"

She looked kind of pissed - don't think its the answer she was looking for.

"You don't know me?!? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Then she looked puzzled, like most drunks do when their not sure if their mind is really translating what their senses are telling them.

"Wait...did we hook up at a party at [student apartment complex]?"

"Nope...think you've got the wrong guy."

"You're not Keith?"

"Nope."

Rather than give up, she proceeded to badger me about when or where we "hooked up." She gave rambled off a list of about a dozen names, high schools, fraternities, and dorms.

I've never met this girl before in my life. And I told her that, ad nauseam. I also told her that I'm not a student, and I'm certain we didn't know each other.

Almost sunk in.

"Wait...do you know Amy? Did you hook up with Amy?"

Again, no.

So she walked off, staggering, probably convinced she was still sober enough to not get a Drunk in Public charge slapped on her.

Sometimes, drunks remind me of zombie movies. Sometimes, they can be entertaining. At other times, they're nothing more than an oversexed script shoved into expensive make-up.

Not sure which category this drunk falls into. Maybe both?

I kept walking back to my truck.

Once Upon a Time in Mexico...

Okay...here's the deal.

A few months ago, an ex-girlfriend invited me to her wedding near Ciudad Juarez, Mex., this weekend.

I politely declined her invitation, and I wired money down to her mother for the money dance. I shipped off the wedding gift.

Its not that I have any old hang-ups about going to an ex's wedding. She's marrying a guy that's obviously a thousand times the guy I'll ever be. I'm extremely happy for her. He's a 40-year old psychiatrist with an investment portfolio; I'm a 27-year-old librarian who can barely balance a checkbook.

For some reason, I just felt it would be too damned uncomfortable being there. I mean, I'm not family, though I came pretty close. Not really a friend friend - we're on speaking terms, but there really isn't any such thing as "just being friends" when you've been down the road she and I have been.

I don't deal well with drama. Not a fan of soap operas, on television or real life. I know I'd have people gossiping in two languages wondering why this stranger from Ohio flew down for a traditional Mexican Catholic wedding.

The ex in question understood my concerns and was disappointed, but she understood. I thought everything was cool...

But...

I neglected to tell her baby sister I had decided not to go. Her sister was sort of, unofficially, counting on me to be her date for the wedding, though she never talked to me about it. She found out from the bride-to-be Saturday. I got an earful Sunday morning.

I really have no clue why. I never indicated I was going to said wedding to this person. I thought it was kind of presumptuous to assume that in the first place.

This is why I don't like weddings.