Tuesday, November 01, 2005

...And Then, On a Crisp Ohio Evening...
Tuesday of the Living Drunk Girls

I'm taking a stroll through Oxford in an area known as the "Square Mile."

As I'm walking back to my truck to head home, a female college student walks up beside me and grins.

Actually, she sort of stumbled into me. I could smell the smell of vodka on her breath.

"Hey...why didn't you wave back when I waved at you?"

Slurring her words badly. Greek letters on her sweatshirt. Some famous clothing line branded down the leg of her sweatpants.

"Do I know you?"

She looked kind of pissed - don't think its the answer she was looking for.

"You don't know me?!? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Then she looked puzzled, like most drunks do when their not sure if their mind is really translating what their senses are telling them.

"Wait...did we hook up at a party at [student apartment complex]?"

"Nope...think you've got the wrong guy."

"You're not Keith?"

"Nope."

Rather than give up, she proceeded to badger me about when or where we "hooked up." She gave rambled off a list of about a dozen names, high schools, fraternities, and dorms.

I've never met this girl before in my life. And I told her that, ad nauseam. I also told her that I'm not a student, and I'm certain we didn't know each other.

Almost sunk in.

"Wait...do you know Amy? Did you hook up with Amy?"

Again, no.

So she walked off, staggering, probably convinced she was still sober enough to not get a Drunk in Public charge slapped on her.

Sometimes, drunks remind me of zombie movies. Sometimes, they can be entertaining. At other times, they're nothing more than an oversexed script shoved into expensive make-up.

Not sure which category this drunk falls into. Maybe both?

I kept walking back to my truck.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, look at it this way...at least she didn't mistake you for Kool Keith :-)

G said...

I can relate. Last week I had some girl from Newfoundland badgering me all night at a bar, because while out for a smoke she had mentioned something about The Cure and got laughed at by some guy, to which I casually mentioned I was a fan. Turns out this chica was Cure Fan of the Century or something, and wouldn't leave me alone all night. Kept singing Cure lyrics in my ear, and professing (loudly) her love for Robert Smith to anyone nearby. As well as telling everyone I knew Smith (which I don't; I said I knew the music, but she had drunk ears happening). I wasn't terribly annoyed, especially with her being a Newfoundlander and all ... beautiful women in the Canadian East ... [*grrwwl*] ... and if she hadn't had been raging drunk ... but she was, which is out-of-bounds, and I managed to finally extricate myself from her grasp and sneak out of there.

Funny thing is, the other night I'm at my buddy's place, sifting through a few things before he moves (got a brilliant armchair!), and he mentions a friend is coming over to get one his lamps from him. Turns out it's the same girl. I knew it off the bat, said nothing. She kept looking at me quizzically, so finally I looked at her and coyly said the name of the bar, to which she got very embarrassed. I reassured her it was all cool, she was no fool, etc. Cool girl when sober, actually. Might hang next week.

Damn, it's funny when you run into them again and they're sober, and you watch the memory slowly fade back in. Sounds cold, but it's really entertaining nonetheless. :-)

Peace J,
G

A Disturbingly Cynical College Student said...

Saying hi back!
Glad you liked my post.

pia said...

hey, that was a nice story. But i have many drunken men ones

The ZenFo Pro said...

Anon:
Thank god I wasn't mistaken for Kool Keith. That's when ya say, yeah, girl, you've got alcohol poisoning. (For those who don't know who the hell this refers to, click HERE.

G: Drunken Cure fans...wow. As for Canada East women, I have heard the legends...similar to NW MExico...something in the well water ;-) And there's always the memory returning thing.

DCCS:
Hey, thanks for stopping by. And thanks for the library shout-out on your blog. Sweetness!

Pia:
LOL...wish it could've been less like the norm around these here parts. I've never been in a college town before where there is so little to do other than drink. And trust me, I have my drunk men tales as well...the majority involving myself.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Who knew you coud smell Vodka? LOL

Boo Hiss on small college towns. I guess they have their own charm though.

Katherine said...

See...this is the reason my bf drives up to OSU for a visit and not the other way around. he has similar experiences all the time. honestly for those from outside of ohio miami has very few redeeming qualities. its the public ivy mystic. my bf loves his major but hates his fellow students. don't sweat this kind of stuff man...these girls will have mommy and daddy to pay for rehab later :)

Brit said...

Hey...this is so cool looking. J., this is why I transferred after my first semester. I got tired of my roommate fucking every idiot at MU. LOL it could've been my old roomie :o)
I drink but I've never seen the shit I saw there. girls who were almost proud they got roofied, guys choking on silver spoons, and the date rapes. OMG! have they done ANYTHING about the sexual assaults on that goddamned campus??? Or the girls with serious mental issues???
Anyways wanted to say hi and thanks for the advice a while ago. swamped with school out here in cali. This is awesome!

The ZenFo Pro said...

Alice:
Yeah, small college towns sometimes have their charms. Sometimes, Oxford has all the charm and sophistication of a brothel, complete with junkies, alcoholics who will graduate into the Betty Ford Clinic, etc...Miami/Oxford is more of a made-for-MTV drama that anything resembling reality.

Katherine:
Good analysis. And your boyfriend is not alone. There are good, hardworking students that are fed up with the whole "Public Ivy Covering a Cesspool" thing. See response to Alice above.

Brit:
I remember your roommate. I've seen her on campus and Uptown. She seems like the kind of girl who's here simply to get laid, drink, and tweak on whatever substance is handy.

And no, sexual assault appears to be nothing more than a cruel joke to most here. And the mental illness thin? Lord, don't get me started....