Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Zenformation Mail: November 30, 2005
Frats, Matchmaking Bloggers, and Love

* NOTE - These are e-mails I've received via the Zenformation Professional e-mail link in my profile. I have removed all identifiers in the queries to protect privacy, even of the ZenFo haters. No names from this point on - just cities. I reserve the right to NOT answer questions about my personal life but may answer them privately. I will only post e-mails and responses that specifically ask me to post a response; however, no advertising or hotlinking will be allowed.

E-mail text is unedited (other than identifiers) and some content may be objectionable to some folks.
- Jason,
AKA The Zenformation Professional

This is going to sound like a really stupid question, so please don't post my name or anything.:)

Were you in a fraternity when you were in college? What do you think of Greek Life here at Miami?

- OXFORD, OHIO, Nov. 11, 2005

Nope. I was never in a fraternity. Dated a few sorority girls before and had a few friends who were in fraternities. As for greek life, well, I don't want to sound too harsh, but I think the whole fraternity/sorority thing is a bit outdated and probably won't survive the 21st century. In many of the college towns I've lived or visited, the frat population seems to be declining everywhere but the South and the East Coast. - ZP

lol. i don't know why yu don't have a girlfriend. you seem like a really smart guy but i guess it must be hard being single in oxford. if you want i might be able to help. a girl i work with is really sweet and i think you two would make a cute couple. i promise, i'm an awesome matchmaker!!!!!!!!!!

- OXFORD, OHIO, Nov. 26, 2005

Thanks for the compliment. Very sweet, and it can be difficult being a single guy in Oxford. I'm sure you're an amazing matchmaker, but you may not know me as well as you think you do. Your friend might not be too keen on the "there's this blog guy I'd love to hook you up with" idea, either. Thanks for the offer, though. - ZP

Znfo Pro guy, I'm really hoping you can give me some advice here. I feel so stupid for actually writing this but I am totally madly in love with this girl who works at College Library. I'd ask my friends for advice on this but they think I'm insane because she's like so not my type. I don't want to give my life story or anything but I've had a lot of girlfriends who have ened up playing me. I have a class with this girl and I make up totally lame excuses to my friends about why I'm hanging out in the library so much. I'm so afraid to speak to his girl because I'm afraid she won't think I'm smart enough (she's like brilliant or something.) I thought that since you're a librarian guy maybe you could hook a brother up.

- UCLA, Nov.30, 2005
Hey man, I'm not Dear Abby or anything but I'll give this a shot. First, don't feel stupid. No stupid people here. Second, you don't sound insane, and unless you've ot some freakish altar or something built to this girl, then you're probably pretty normal.

I don't know what the whole story is with your past or why you're worried about friends' reactions, but I'm almost 100% certain you're not going to find out if she's interested in you simply by hanging out at the place where she works. You could end up making yourself look like a stalker or something...don't do that.

Having been in a ton of really shitty relationships, I think I can a relate. I'm extremely initidated by women who are intelligent but I'm terrified of ending up in another bad relationship where I end up getting played.

I'm also about 100% sure you'd stand a better chance if you had the guts to actually say something to her. What's the worst she can say? Please, though, don't be an idiot and ask her out or try to be some mack-daddy in the library. You'd A) probably look like an ass, and B)might get her in trouble.

However...if she works at a reference desk or circulation desk, you could use that as a place to break the ice. Use your time wisely while you're there; do some research for a paper and, well, if you need help finding a book or need to check out some materials, go ask her for some help - no strings or expectations.

Good luck! - ZP


Girl on the Blog said...

You are so darn sweet! I love your writing. If I ever have a "Dear Abby" question I will I know who to email! :)

By the way, I dated several frats... assholes!!! :)~

KFigment said...

oh no dating advice from zen fro. I have to say that in all my years I never thought I would see the day.

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Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Wow that is one language I have not learned yet...

My first thought was also Dear Abbey Dear Abbey but it was the words to some old John Prine song a friend of mine used to have.
Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...
My feet are too long
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call

Ogbuefi Stephi said...

you're quite good with advice, j.

i have something to add for the ucla guy though:

as an "intelligent woman" (or so i'd like to think...), it gets annoying waiting for guys to talk to us. don't be intimidated! you'll probably feel worse always wondering what might have happened. and i would say that most intelligent people are usually compassionate and understanding as well. the worst that could happen is she declines your offer. but isn't that better than never having tried and possibly having it go your way?

good luck. these things are always hard but always worth the risk.


The ZenFo Pro said...

Hey, thanks for the compliments! Yeah, wasn't going to do another one of those, but that UCLA guy seemed sincere. No where near Dear Abby though. This advice-giver is definitely a plumber who's pipes always leak ;)

As for the frat guys, yeah. I've known quite a few guys that fit the asshole model. I used to be anti-Greek (mainly because I was threatened by a fraternity at my undergrad alma mater for breaking a story on a date-rape-drug and alcohol-hazing story that got their chapter banned from Cal Poly for 25 years.) I've since mellowed a bit; there are some guys who get into it and do good.

Have you died or something? Lol...tried calling before Thanksgiving to say hi, but no go. Yeah, me giving love advice is about the same as Whitney Houston on a DARE t-shirt ;)

That's almost funny. Yeah, I know I'm longwinded. But you may want to lay off the sauce when you're posting a response.

Lol...John Prine is better than Abbey Road or the Dead Kennedys song Dear Abby about giving advice to a Jeffery Dahmer type:

If they find out the truth I don't think they'll understand. Abby, what do I tell
my family?

DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the body's
blessed and everything should be just fine...

John Prine is, well, completely badass, btw.

LOL...me give good advice? I thought about just posting the guy's story and asking female readers to give their opinions. See, asking a guy about women problems is kind of like one tree stump asking another about regrowth...

Very good advice. Trust me, if you need intelligent woman advice, Stephi's a good source. Actually, I think most female readers/posters are intelligent women.

Anonymous said...

You don't give yourself enough credit, ZP, you DO give good advice.

Another good John Prine song is "Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore" -- hmm, strange how Vietnam-era songs can seem so modern...

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