Thursday, November 16, 2006

THE OXFORD (FUCKING OHIO) DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS:
More Complete Batshit From the Mouths of Strangers

"She wants it, dude. She wouldn't let you buy her drinks if she weren't into you."
~ Local barely-legal bar patron to another member of his party, neither of whom seem to realize the "I'll Flirt with Your Sorry Ass as Long as You buy the Drinks"
concept does not necessarily equate with sex.

"I hate when you're sitting in a class and eight people feel the need to share that trying to find Jesus changed their lives. Look, I'm from Queens - if you can't find the body, hey, I know people..."
~ A student member of the ZenFo Pro work staff,
displaying the type of wit
that earned him a job with the Hardest Working Badass Support Team in librarianship.

"God loves sin, but hates the sinners."
~ Member of a campus ministry organization in a coffee shop, who, um, seemed a bit confused...
"This bitch was, like, hot and shit, but we were in the middle of beer pong . So I told her to wait until the game was over."
~ Local self-proclaimed drinking game professional,
on turning down sex at a party to toss a frigging ping-pong ball into cups of cheap beer.

"Nuh-uh! Raising the minimum wage doesn't cost anybody anything. Just business owners."
~ A Liberal Arts major.
"I'm so worried about my kids' generation. These kids now would rather give each other head than fall in love. Blowjobs are preferable to kissing. Sexually active and emotionally dead. That's frightening."
~ One of the few nontraditional graduate students at the Local U.

"Beer pong is a civil right."
~ Unknown student "activist" opposed to pending outdoor drinking game ban vote, reportedly via email to city councilmembers.

"They should ban ugly people from campus. They make [Local U.] look bad."
~ Enlightened student Higher Education analyst

"A few questions...I heard a rumor that the [ZenFo Pro] Library coffee shop will open Nov. 31...is this true?"
~ Question posed to the ZenFo Pro during work-related interview.
Not true, of course. Opened yesterday.
But we will be giving away free food Feb. 30.

"You're frustrating. You flirt too much, you talk too much, and you absolutely refuse to acknowledge when somebody is hitting on you. I don't know why you're upset that a woman told you that dating is a game - that's how most people date. You just take your ball and go home rather than play it. Nothing wrong with that. Frustrating, weird and strangely charming."
~ This is what some of the ZenFo Pro's ex-lovers call a compliment (via email).

"Independent women always win in the end. Intelligence is forever and never asks for a boob job."
~ Local U. Alumna/Blog Reader
"Hehehe...you said ballcock."
~ Overheard whilst repairing a toilet. And, yep, that's what those devices are called.

"I told the bitch to shut the fuck up during the Bengals game. And she dumped me. Can you believe that shit?"
~ Overheard in the ZenFo Pro library. And yes, I can believe that, actually.




9 comments:

Cat. said...

Who wants to watch the Bengals anyway? :-)

What I wouldn't give to see your "quote notebook"...or do you just remember these somehow?

Smurf said...

Coffee shop in your library? That is awesome. You know that makes me think of the Starbucks in Borders... you know how long its been since I have had Chocolate Covered coffee beans? I love those things it has been years. (Cpn Random does strike again.)

I have gotten coffee from Starbucks, but haven't had a conversation over coffee in so many years. Sorry... lol... just brings back so many memories. When we lived near eachother we drank a pretty good supply of coffee.

LibraryTavern Liz said...

We have a coffee shop in our library. When students are asked what they think of the library or for suggestions for the library, they tend to make suggestions about the coffee bar. Or they say we need more computers. Books? Journals? Nawwwww.

Anonymous said...

Awesome post. And thanks for adding my quote mr. I dont know when women are hitting on me :)

Yea good thing i drove back home rather than take you out drinking. Heh...at least i dont have a facebook acct any more :)

xmichra said...

Independent & Intelligent.. and i still want a boob job. I know. I am complex. =P

InterstellarLass said...

I need to listen in to other people's convos more often.

KFigment said...

MMMM good to know that beer pong, sexual favors, and beavis and butthead type humor still reign supreme on campuses. I recall a few undergrad moments, a beavis and butthead poster on the fridge, naked lady cards, boxers and cigars, cables end, and the all important 1 minute new years countdown.

We turned out ok. Most of them will too.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Cat:
Lol...exactly.

Smurf:
Yup. Getting that sucker up and running has taken up about 90% of my time these last few months. Can you say "time for a vacation?"

Liz:
Lol...we're already starting to get a few, but mostly our patrons have been greatful for the additional place to chill.

Sounds like a job for some user needs analysis.

Anon:
Lmao. Nuff said.

Xmichra:
Well, if ya can deal with a doctor shoving plastic bags into your chest filled with silicone that will outlast you by 10,000 years... ;)

Lol...

Interstellar:
Hey, a new name! Cool. Thanks for stopping by and for the comment...hell, give it a shot. Its a great concentration building exercise.

Kfig:
Yep. Nothing like the academic sophistication of the American Higher Education experience.

Hmmm...

I remember those things, chica. I also remember a nasty habit I once had, one where I didn't exactly remember to knock before opening bedroom doors....

I still can't watch Disney flicks without going fetal... ;P

And frogs still scare me :)

G said...

Free food on Feb 30th? Damn, wish I could make it, but that's the same day my library hosts the local brewery beer bash. Free samples - can't turn it down, you know?

;-)
G