Showing posts with label Painting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Painting. Show all posts

Monday, March 08, 2010

SEX AND ART, ART AND SEX:
A Conversation on Lustful Living Under the Influence of Maestros

Venice, Ferrara, Mantua, Milan, RomeImage via Wikipedia


"What's wrong with feeling sexy in a museum?"

- Recent online chat.



My father's brother was an artist, a painter and printmaker.

He died years before I was born, before my parents married, cancer snuffing out his future as a creator of beautiful things before he'd reached a quarter of a century on this planet.

An avid reader, obsessed with not only physical art but that of the written word, he left behind scores of paintings and sketches, a library of some of the world's finest literature.

A gift, I assume, for my father and, by proxy, my father's children - a generational legacy. Guides to the world's finest museums, full of reprints and photographs, art criticisms and histories, poetry collections and fiction in four languages, sacred texts from the world's great religions.

And trust me when I say I took full advantage of the artist uncle's last gift in my childhood.

* * * *

In a way, though I never met my uncle, he probably had just as much influence over my development in death as he would have in life. His notebooks were conversations, his paintings burst ideas upon my brain, his library an education unto itself.

For example, Titian, the High Renaissance maestro, was already a favorite by the time I reached puberty. I first developed an appreciation for the maestro studying my uncle's books on the art of the era. Of course, after reaching puberty, my appreciation for Titian's nude work grew even more - the Venus of Urbino was probably the first woman to seduce me, my first ever object of pure raw lust, years before I lost my virginity.

The second seductress? A painting by Raphael's lustful baker, la Fornarina.

I could list them all, but, well, that would take too long. But I will admit that I do not consider it bragging to admit that for all of my hundreds (yes, hundreds) of sexual experiences in life, I've never been able to shake the feeling that those ancient Europeans instilled in me sense enough to understand that a woman's body is the finest of canvas, that it is not in some maestro's strokes of a brush that art is revealed but in the canvas stroking the brush, creating the artist.

But sexual attraction is but one manifestation of an appreciation, a love, of art. So, too, was I in love with the great Post-Impressionists: Paul Gauguin, with his primitivist depictions of beautiful Tahitians and ancient themes. Henri Matisse, Van Gogh.

It was my uncle, through his enormous collection of reprints of some of the most daring naked women in history, that taught me more about the intertwining of beauty, life, sex, and art than any formal education could ever impart.

* * * *

Needless to say, I was one strange kid.

Hell, I'm one fucking strange-ass adult, for that matter.

But I know a thing or two about beauty.

I learned it through a lust for beautiful things, for fine and performing arts, for poetry and prose, essays, and pure, unadulterated, passionate thought.

And I have an uncle I never knew, who died in a sterile hospital room with cancer-filled body, to thank for that.

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF AN EX-OTHER MAN'S
FAVORITE EX-OTHER MAN:
Hot Women, Thought-Filled Boyfriends,
Abstract Expressionist Paintings

OXFORD, Ohio (ZP) -- There's things about me, I tell her, she's not going to want to hear about.

In fact, there are things about me and where I've been, things I've done, that I don't want to hear about.

She's not happy with my answer but, well, she accepts it. Me being the Man of Fucking Mystery, and all that.

She's standing in my living room, staring at my very lovely, very intentionally crooked abstract expressionist piece.

I painted it years ago, after I'd gone clean, one particularly bad night on the beaches of California's Central Coast, overlooking the village of Cayucos.

"It's about nothing. Sorta about Jackson Pollock. But a lot about Lee Krasner and my perceptions of their marriage..."

I can tell she knows nothing about either artist, about California beyond Disneyland and television, doesn't get my whole Well, see, I don't smoke weed because, like, I'll have to check myself into rehab bit, either.

Apparently, if you add in some White Russians and a joint, I'd make a perfect Ohio version of The Dude, given my lifestyle and the way my brain works. Sadly, I really don't see any similarities...

But she says she gets the nothing part. About the painting. My crooked, three-foot-long, acrylic-covered canvas is purple and squiggly and pretty, she says. I leave it at that.

She totally ignored the abstract form on the same wall, the one I'd, well, sorta painted using a woman's breasts. No sense in bringing that up.

"You know, you're the most interesting guy I've met in college," she says. "EVER. I can see why girls think you're a mystery."

She turns as I hand her a cup of tea. She was hoping for something harder, but, well, after last call on a Saturday night my apartment goes drier than an AA meeting in Utah.

The Dude may abide, but I hate hangovers just as much as he hates the fucking Eagles, man.

* * * *

She'd been drinking Crown Royal and Cokes at one of Oxford's lesser watering holes, a veritable swap meet of flesh. I could smell the blended Canadian whiskey on her breath as she talked, even a few feet away.

I'd offered her a ride home - it was her idea to come back to my place, just to talk. Her new roommate was wasted and probably going home with some guy from the bar where they'd been drinking away the start of the new academic year.

And she sorta knew me, or had seen me before, so...

She'd always wondered, she says, where the librarians around these parts disappear to at night. Or where the faculty go (they commute), or support staff (again, commute), or even the custodians go when the sun goes down...

In particular, she's always wondered where certain librarian bloggers go when they're not at work, or writing about Oxford Fucking Ohio, or...

* * * *

A knock at the door. She doesn't look away from the painting. She's been staring at it for a good fifteen minutes.

I open the door to find a guy in a print-pattern shirt, designer jeans, and flip-flops staring at me, wondering what the hell he's doing at this random stranger's apartment at well past four in the morning.

"Lose your girlfriend?"

"Um, I think so. Sorry. Are you Jason?"


"Yup. C'mon in..."


He's sober as a priest in rehab. He probably drove all the way over, wondering why the girl he's been seeing for a few months called him from another guy's apartment.

An older guy's apartment.

He's nervous. Not yet visibly upset, but obviously embarrassed and probably angry, too. I'd be all of those things, if I were in his shoes.

He walks the short corridor; the living room opens before him. And there she stands, beneath a strange crooked painting. He finds his girlfriend fully clothed, tipsy but not shitfaced drunk, staring at a wall.

And he seems relieved. I'd be too if I were in his shoes.

We're talking a seriously hot young woman here.

* * * *
"Chica, your ride's here."

That snaps her out of it.

Whatever contemplation of those funny-sounding abstract expressionist names and colors she's been experiencing ends, that nothingness she's been pondering dissipates like a wet fart.

"Oh hey, baby. This is THAT Jason. You know, that guy from the-"

His eyes light up. He's recognized me. And it's not because he's always running into me at the library, either.

I guess I've made it as a cult-status writer.

Heh. Too funny.

* * * *

"You're the Zenfo Pro Jason, right?" He shoves a hand my direction. "Holy SHIT! I love your shit, dude! Cracks me up."

"Yeah, _____ here seems to dig it, too. Cool chick you've got."

"Ha, she's your biggest fan or something. But I just read, fuck, when I'm bored. But she's like all over your shit."

I take his hand just as she turns her head. She gives both of us that annoyed look tipsy women often give when they're trying to concentrate on something important, like the meaning behind a painting.

Or, well, when two douchebag guys are talking about her in the third fucking person, as if she's some out-of-sight object.

"Cool shit, thanks. Glad I keep students entertained with my fuck-ups."

He makes a face. For a moment, I think I've offended him.

"Oh, fuck that! Dude! You fucking keep me awake in class..."

The boyfriend and I are soon balls' deep in a very man-centric discussion about being a single, smart guy in Oxford Fucking Ohio, the mystery of Cult of the Snake Brother harmony in such a small town, about Joe Nuxhall and Cincinnati baseball, Woodie Guthrie and Bob Dylan and bands like NOFX, the Pixies, and Nirvana ...

Yeah. My bad. Homeboy's girlfriend. Standing right there.

Not the best conversation to have, given the company. How rude of me.

* * * *

But she's fascinated, for some odd reason. She starts moving towards us, closer to him, leaning on him, listening.

The painting no longer interests her as much as the eloquent thoughts her beau's espousing, his knowledge of all these wondrous things. It's clear by the faces she's making and the way she's staring at him that this is the first time she's heard him in such an impassioned conversation.

And he's so enthralled in the subject matter that he's oblivious to the fact that he's become a much more intriguing work of art than any old painting.

Art, after all, is sometimes nothing more than a purple and pretty and squiggly thing, a manifestation of thought, sifted through a creative medium. It's the information contained, the thoughts inspired and the knowledge formulated in its manufacture and study that means something, something more than the aboutness of nothing.

I figure that's my queue to wrap up the conversation. Conveniently, I announce that, well, I'm kinda tired and kinda need to hit the sack.

The way she almost dragged that poor guy out of my apartment...

Heh. Too fucking funny.

* * * *

Hell, I'm sure information can leave you waking up with some serious lower back pain, too. Maybe even a torn ligament.

Not sure if that's how the night ended for the Biggest Fan (trust me, I'm cracking up at how silly that sounds) and her rather cool boyfriend.

Not that I've ever experienced such a thing, mind you. I'd never, ever stoop so low as to let my brain and its infinite capacity for thought get me laid.

No. Never.

And no self-respecting female would ever, ever just want to fuck the shit outta somebody, simply because that person could carry on a decent conversation about mysterious things, could get overwhelmed in an ecstasy of thought, oblivious to the world?

No, never.

Or maybe it was the nothingness of the painting.

You'd be surprised what sorts of things some of those hot Local U. undergrads find fascinating at four in the morning on a Saturday.

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Monday, March 12, 2007

AT HOME WITH THE ZENFO PRO:
A Photographic Journey into Madness

The ZenFo Pro tests out his new used digital camera (left).

Note the gray tee shirt, as this indicates that the day this photo was taken was not a regular work day. The ZenFo Pro wears black tee shirts to work.

Just another guy, really.

* * * *

The paintings (above, right) are works done by the ZenFo Pro.

Live Oak, at far right, was painted using only fingers, cigarette butts, automotive primer, and the breasts of two former lovers, including the Italian Backpacker Fling last year. (Feel free to read Part 1 and Part 2 of that sordid affair.)

Err...

You know, turning a piece of plywood into a work of art using women's breasts does sound kinda hot, now that I think about it...

* * * *

The guitar, a 3/4 size acoustic (center, bottom), has been in my grubby little hands since my punk days. Paid $50 for the sucker in a pawn shop.

I've been picking on it quite a bit lately, channeling my inner Patrik Fitzgerald (samples at artist MySpace page) and butchering numerous classic punk songs.

What can I say?

I'm one strange dude.

* * * *

NOTE - Post partly inspired by the much missed Mizzy B and her groovy Bohemian influences on this blog, memories of Shayna's Half-Nekkid contributions prior to pregnancy, the Well-Dressed Librarian's classy at-home interview, and, of course, poor Steph taking one for the Swingin' Friends team in terms of free expression of sexual faux-pas.


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