Today's Letter is Brought to You By...

Illuminated initial, at left, borrowed from Bertha Runkle's Helmet of Navarre, courtesy of Project Gutenberg.

---

Cowgirl posted a meme dealing concerning a sort of social networking of the alphabet. MizB. was graced with the letter F by another blogger, answering it in true Bohemian fashion.

The rules were simple: pick 10 words that begin with an assigned letter. Cowgirl set me up with the letter L. Apparently, it came down to two words associated with this blog - lesbians and librarians.

It has been determined that if she and I were to ever go out drinking, there'd possibly be some jail time involved. I'm pretty sure we're talking Bukowski-esque dangerous, here...

So here's my list:

1. LIBRARIAN: Yeah, I'm a librarian. I work in a library. I'm one of the few librarians in the country who uses one of these, one of these, and a few of these regularly as part of my work responsibilities. I've even had to run one of these at work - that was one badass week.

I also occasionally have to entertain certain select groups, which has often led to my working 14-15 hour days and to do midday wardrobe changes. I deal with the public in unique and creative ways. I soothe nerves. I schmooze. If need be, I flirt. I get the job done.

Let's just say I work in Hardcore Services and leave it at that. I'm a Designated Hitter Librarian and I love my job, love my coworkers to death, and worship the ground my management walks on, if for no other reason than I'm extremely blessed to have the kind of opportunities I have. I work in a library setting legendary for its approach to pushing the envelope of the profession.

2. LICKIM CUNTOFF: I received an interesting e-mail this morning from this "person," seeking to sell me sex toys, Viagra, and heat-sensitive lubricant at low, low prices.

Gotta love spam. For some reason, my junk filter didn't catch this one. Who would buy sex aids from someone named Lickim Cuntoff?

3. LEONARD (Nimoy): Yes, I watch Star Trek, dammit. I can watch Star Trek almost continuously. Every series, movie, and even the cartoon.

I am a complete dork.

4. LEONARD (Cohen): I've been told the fact that I enjoy listening to Leonard Cohen redeems me from dorkiness...

Or it at least makes me a more cultured dork....

5. LIMA (as in beans) - I have a fetish for beans. For some people, beans are a side dish. Me? The whole meal, baby! I'm a quasi-vegetarian because I'm allergic to beef. Because of that, I've become an utilitarian eater - not much for fancy foods and I don't eat out much. I eat like, well, like I did as a kid on the farm - traditional rural cuisine.

And I eat a whole hell of a lot of lima beans. Love 'em. We're talking cattle quantities per week - one pound bags every seven days or so. I put em in my seductive succotash. I put them in my bitching Brunswick Stew.

6. LEMMY FROM MOTORHEAD - Hey, don't ask me. For some reason, he just popped in my head. Weird moles and all.

This heavy-metal, bad acid flashback brought to you by Mullet-Mate, the hair care solution for the half of my family still driving the same rusted-out Trans-Ams, sporting the same haircuts, and hitting on underage girls at the Winn-Dixie ... well into their 40s.

Gawdammit. Now I've got to track down some Motorhead Mp3s...

7. LOCOMOTIVES - One day, when I was 14, a friend and I decided to hop a train for nowhere.

We'd spent the day bass fishing, drinking cheap beer, and listening to Woody Guthrie and Jimmie Rodgers on the only station we could pick up on the farm truck's AM-Only radio - the "old" WSVS 800, the best country-gospel-bluegrass station EVER.

We were also completely loaded and inspired - a dangerous combination.

So we drove the pick-up to the Norfolk-Southern rail line a few miles away and waited for the afternoon coal cars bound for Hampton Roads. We were expecting to have to make some dramatic sprint to chase this sucker down - like in the movies.

We ran about 100 yards only to catch a train that was in the midst of making a stop.

My Woody Guthrie moment lasted a whole three miles, from Green Bay/Hell's Corner, Virginia, to Meherrin, Virginia.

8. LESBIANS: I love me some lesbians. Not for the normal, stereotypical guy reasons, either.

The lesbians who were exposed to my lily-white, Dayglo ass a few weeks ago? I left out last, kinda boring part of the story.

That Sunday, after skinny-dipping and sobering up a bit, we went back to the liquor store in College Corner to pick up some more supplies. A rather attractive brunette - a well-built Indiana farmer's daughter type, walked in to pick up a pack of Menthols and a six-pack of Miller High Life.

"Kate" gave me this strange look when the brunette bent over to pick up some dropped car keys. I was trying not to look, trying to be a gentleman.

"Fuck, look at that camel-toe. Dude, do you know what I could with that?"

I obviously forgot to pass along to my companions that this part of Indiana does have that whole Children of the Corn, "We Ain't Got No Lezbins" vibe going...

I had, indeed, noticed the camel-toe. Daisy Dukes, on some women, leave nothing to the imagination.

9. LEADBELLY: One of my all-time favorite musicians. A true American Original. Son House, John Lee Hooker, Gatemouth Brown, Robert Johnson...

Wha? You didn't know I listen to the blues? I'm a Southerner - I think it may be illegal in some states for me to NOT listen to the blues at least once a month. Hey, we INVENTED American music.

10. LAGNIAPPE: I used this word three times this week. It's a word commonly used in southern Mississippi and Louisiana. In general, it refers to receiving a little something extra - a gift. That's the best way to look upon one's life.

To add your own string, simply request a letter in the comments section. I'll assign you one. Hey, I'm not picky; if you want, pick your own letter.