I'm a Librarian, Goddammit. Really. Swear to God...

Okay, this will probably come as close to a professional post as I'll get all summer.

With about 98 percent of my community's patron population gone for the summer (and given the muohio IPs have drastically dwindled), I'm feeling way too cheeky to worry about the usual blog/real world shit...

FREEDOM! CRY FREEDOM!

* * *

For those who know nothing about what librarians actually do at work, you're not alone. For librarians who believe patrons know what they do, or even care, well... let me get a hit off whatever it is you're smoking.

Check out Urban Dictionary's definitions of the word librarian (courtesy of the Well-Dressed Librarian). I've added some ZenFo Pro commentary to these definitions to further clarify the role of librarians and library staff...

"...A chick who seems really sweet and nice and shy when out. But, once you get her alone turns into a raging sexaul freak..."

ZENFO PRO: Um... my library is hiring. Where are these female librarians? And are their libraries hiring?

"...they will yell at you for the stupidest shit. they think theyre making the world better by being librarians but everyone really hates them because theyre mean and EVIL!..."

ZENFO PRO: You know why I don't go to conferences? Because I run into libbies who fit this stereotype. I spend more of my time trying to change this image. There are too many librarians who fit this stereotype; hence, the reason it exists.

Note to those librarians: fucking retire already. Here's a READ poster to keep you company.

Call me when you finally admit that the world of information is neither flat nor static. I'd worry about the professional ramifications of such a demand, but I'm pretty sure most of the librarians I'm talking about are still too busy bitching about Google, online catalogs, and the Digital Age to bother figuring out how to actually locate a blog in Cyberspace.

* * *

So two people at work today made comments about my jeans-and-tee work attire...

One person told me her daughter was convinced that I'm gay. No, not because I'm a librarian.

Apparently, my Wranglers are too tight, my tees are too snug, and my hair is always ruffled.

Yup, the mythological, nearly infamous "gaydar" thing.

I'm very comfortable in my heterosexuality, so I took no offense. Actually, I took it as a compliment. How many straight guys, with half their fingers taped up, covered in layers of book dust, get told their jeans are too tight?

The second person, a female patron, asked me for a bit of help. I was on my way to the john after working late (yet again) - had just finished multitasking between a spreadsheet update and an IM conversation with a fellow blogger (sorta work-related).

I had to pee really bad, so I leaned against a shelving range to keep from doing the "Pee-Pee Dance." I knocked a book off the shelf, bent down to pick it up, and found a beet-red woman staring at the ceiling.

I asked if she was okay - I thought she was going to faint or something. Then she blurted out something about not wanting to lie and that she'd been checking out my ass. Then she turned around and walked off - without actually getting any help.

Maybe my jeans are a bit tight...

Okay, I'm starting to get the hint that some women find me attractive. But why would somebody ask for help, then walk away? It's not like I knew she was checking me out... that's the last thing I think about, honestly, when a patron asks for help.

I understand it must've been embarrassing, but, well, I'm an iPro. Answering questions is what I do.