Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I'm a Librarian, Goddammit. Really. Swear to God...

Okay, this will probably come as close to a professional post as I'll get all summer.

With about 98 percent of my community's patron population gone for the summer (and given the muohio IPs have drastically dwindled), I'm feeling way too cheeky to worry about the usual blog/real world shit...


* * *

For those who know nothing about what librarians actually do at work, you're not alone. For librarians who believe patrons know what they do, or even care, well... let me get a hit off whatever it is you're smoking.

Check out Urban Dictionary's definitions of the word librarian (courtesy of the Well-Dressed Librarian). I've added some ZenFo Pro commentary to these definitions to further clarify the role of librarians and library staff...
"...A chick who seems really sweet and nice and shy when out. But, once you get her alone turns into a raging sexaul freak..."
ZENFO PRO: Um... my library is hiring. Where are these female librarians? And are their libraries hiring?
"...they will yell at you for the stupidest shit. they think theyre making the world better by being librarians but everyone really hates them because theyre mean and EVIL!..."
ZENFO PRO: You know why I don't go to conferences? Because I run into libbies who fit this stereotype. I spend more of my time trying to change this image. There are too many librarians who fit this stereotype; hence, the reason it exists.

Note to those librarians: fucking retire already. Here's a READ poster to keep you company.

Call me when you finally admit that the world of information is neither flat nor static. I'd worry about the professional ramifications of such a demand, but I'm pretty sure most of the librarians I'm talking about are still too busy bitching about Google, online catalogs, and the Digital Age to bother figuring out how to actually locate a blog in Cyberspace.

* * *

So two people at work today made comments about my jeans-and-tee work attire...

One person told me her daughter was convinced that I'm gay. No, not because I'm a librarian.

Apparently, my Wranglers are too tight, my tees are too snug, and my hair is always ruffled.

Yup, the mythological, nearly infamous "gaydar" thing.

I'm very comfortable in my heterosexuality, so I took no offense. Actually, I took it as a compliment. How many straight guys, with half their fingers taped up, covered in layers of book dust, get told their jeans are too tight?

The second person, a female patron, asked me for a bit of help. I was on my way to the john after working late (yet again) - had just finished multitasking between a spreadsheet update and an IM conversation with a fellow blogger (sorta work-related).

I had to pee really bad, so I leaned against a shelving range to keep from doing the "Pee-Pee Dance." I knocked a book off the shelf, bent down to pick it up, and found a beet-red woman staring at the ceiling.

I asked if she was okay - I thought she was going to faint or something. Then she blurted out something about not wanting to lie and that she'd been checking out my ass. Then she turned around and walked off - without actually getting any help.

Maybe my jeans are a bit tight...

Okay, I'm starting to get the hint that some women find me attractive. But why would somebody ask for help, then walk away? It's not like I knew she was checking me out... that's the last thing I think about, honestly, when a patron asks for help.

I understand it must've been embarrassing, but, well, I'm an iPro. Answering questions is what I do.


LibraryTavern Liz said...

so ... to summarize all those definitions of librarian, a librarian is a bootylicious anal chick with lots of pussy(ies)?

cooper said...

I have to see a full out to make that call....send one my way... I have the best genetic gaydar around.


Losen those jeans zenpro...

KFigment said...

When are you going to realize that you make women nervous. I know you don't believe me but it is true. I have witnessed that very thing. You are a sweet, caring, charming, intelligent, and attractive. In woman language that means you must be gay. Those men are what women dream of. When they finally get you in close quarters they are usually so miffed they don't know what to do. Believe it I have actually seen it.

As far as psycho women librarians it probably has to do with the fact that they are truly uptight. At some point a good book doesn't do it any more and you need to get out in the world.

Anonymous said...

My friend Michael thinks the uptight librarians at his PL just need a good, raunchy fuck, with rubber sheets and everything.

Hey, works for me! ;-)

Spc. Freeman said...

I could dig being a librarian. Seriously. I mean, I'm sure it can get boring, but to spend every day in the presence of so many books would make me happy.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Lol yeah....says a lot about public perception of the ol' profession, huh? The thing that got me was the fact that the frst definition listed was obviously written by a librarian or enthusiastic library school student - the "librarians are cool" stuff is a dead giveaway.

There is definitely a disconnect from how library folk view public perceptions and the reality of those perceptions. Male librarians, aside from a lot of the internal stereotypes, get almost a free pass. Almost.

One of the local bartenders, who just finished her undergraduate degree, called me yesterday to see how to list me as one of her references on a job app. She wanted to know if she should list my formal job title or just put librarian - for some reason she thought I might get offended if she called me a librarian, because she doesn't think I look like a librarian and there are very few who consider what I do very librarianesque. After talking for five minutes, it was apparent that she was leery of using the L word on a resume... she thought I might be offended.

Lol. All I'm gonna say. ;)

As for loosening the jeans, well, hey... they don't feel tight... but the cowboy hat does set me up for a lot of Brokeback Mountain jokes... or Kenny Chesney jokes... not sure which is more annoying...

Lol...I make women nervous?!? Are you saying women get mad because I'm not gay or because I'm those things you mention?

You know, I was trying to explain the whole hootchie magnet phase to somebody yesterday... I still can't figure it out. But one of J.'s friends (pornstar J.) pointed out the same type of thing online a few weeks ago... I intimidate strippers and am "super-bf" the same sentence. That's so surreal...

FYI to anybody reading this...yes, I'm aware that there are probably as many women reading this who appear in erotic film or stage as female librarians and other professionals. And if you know me, you know I don't cast judgment based on... er... professional responsibilities ... when using the term "hootchie." Adult entertainers work way too hard and are generally way more intelligent than people give them credit for being. And your business meetings are way more fun than my business meetings ;)

Anonymous said...

hy babydoll boy i'd so like to meet yo inperson again.yea and i like the frmal spin you put on how we do things around da clubs. sexual yea but not a whore. unless i like you =-) and kfiment is right you are so intimidating b/c youre way too sweet and polite, countrybumpkinish. pretty hot there man. fuck em if ya got em...

thxs for the support the other day and for not blogging about it. i know paranoid but career protection is essential for me right now. you definitely understand i know just in chatting w you


The ZenFo Pro said...

I think your friend is probably right. Rubber sheets, however, get sticky... ;)

I came to the conclusion in grad school that some I-School needs to start a Sex Toys in Librarianship Collection... the "librarians as sex fiends" thing isn't as far offbase as people imagine... and I thought journalists were hot-and-bothered...

Spc. Freeman:
Hey, military blogger...sweet! Yeah, it does get boring at times. But you do get to be surrounded by soooo much information, to manage it, control its flow, etc... being a librarian is basically like being Joe Sixpack's own private Intel agent

Okay, Babydoll Boy gives you away, but I know why you don't sign in. I definitely understand. Won't comment much here on it, but I realize there are things you just don't blog about.

Make up a name if ya want...I don't think anybody's going to mind... btw, your English is improving! Good for you!

Countrybumpkin-ish? Moi? ;)

I figured I'd get at least one comment if I put that little addendum in the last response section...

LibraryTavern Liz said...

I have to admit that the uptight stereotype of librarians applies accurately to a lot of librarians I have met. BUT, that's not all in the way you might think. I don't think uptight is the same as virginal or innocent or asexual. It's uptight in the sense of correcting a minor grammar mistake in casual conversation or in the sense of standing up alone for one's convictions. While the former is nitpicky, the latter is admirable.

Other things that seem to be common to librarians: cats, knitting, gardening, frizzy hair, odd taste in clothes, baseball (most female academic librarians seem to love baseball), and science fiction.

Cowgirl said...

I don't know where to start, per IM conversation.

So I am just going to say hello.

Although, around here, tight Wranglers are not a declaration of sexuality.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Librarians with cats? No, you're kidding... ;)

Actually, uptight can mean a lot of different things, I guess, depending on individual workplaces. I don't think standing up for one's convictions, for instance, makes one necessarily uptight, but they can overlap.

Actually, there are not too many baseball fans that I know of where I work, male or female. Of course, we have the Reds to call the home team. That may explain it.

LOL... that's all I'm gonna say 'bout that.

shayna said...

Tight wranglers???? Getting... Getting.. Getting... the mental picture... K-Got-It... LOL! The woman looking at your ass... beat red...LOL!

Anonymous said...

I think your friend is probably right. Rubber sheets, however, get sticky... ;)

I would imagine so (not having used them myself). At least they aren't satin sheets where ya slide right off! Better to stay put than sllliiiiiiide!

Anonymous said...

Other things that seem to be common to librarians:
cats Got one in my lap right now.
knitting Yep.
gardening Yep.
frizzy hairNot if I can help it.
odd taste in clothesNope.
baseball (most female academic librarians seem to love baseball)Eh, baseball's alright. Beats football.
science fictionNot much. I'm reading Zeppelins West by Joe Lansdale, which qualifies, I guess. It's not of a guy-librarian thing.

Smurf said...

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I missed your birthday.

Yeah, you're cute. Like I said before, live with it. ;-)


Infowhore said...

Hi Jason!

Came across yr site when doing rsch on Libns & cats. Seems a large majority are ailurophiles. Love your site, man! At once reverent and irreverent. My moniker is the Infowhore... seems I rarely email friends w/o a URL, so that's what they're calling me. I'm the catalog libn for Beaufort Co., SC. Are you in Chapel Hill? That's where I got my MSLS (why do they have the Science redundancy anyway)??? If you come across anything on Libns & cats, lemme know. Thx! brenda
bbeasley at bcgov dot net
p.s. Would love to do a massive survey to profile today's Libn. Can't get any support from ALA.