Friday, May 19, 2006

Today's Letter is Brought to You By...

Illuminated initial, at left, borrowed from Bertha Runkle's Helmet of Navarre, courtesy of Project Gutenberg.


Cowgirl posted a meme dealing concerning a sort of social networking of the alphabet. MizB. was graced with the letter F by another blogger, answering it in true Bohemian fashion.

The rules were simple: pick 10 words that begin with an assigned letter. Cowgirl set me up with the letter L. Apparently, it came down to two words associated with this blog - lesbians and librarians.

It has been determined that if she and I were to ever go out drinking, there'd possibly be some jail time involved. I'm pretty sure we're talking Bukowski-esque dangerous, here...

So here's my list:

1. LIBRARIAN: Yeah, I'm a librarian. I work in a library. I'm one of the few librarians in the country who uses one of these, one of these, and a few of these regularly as part of my work responsibilities. I've even had to run one of these at work - that was one badass week.

I also occasionally have to entertain certain select groups, which has often led to my working 14-15 hour days and to do midday wardrobe changes. I deal with the public in unique and creative ways. I soothe nerves. I schmooze. If need be, I flirt. I get the job done.

Let's just say I work in Hardcore Services and leave it at that. I'm a Designated Hitter Librarian and I love my job, love my coworkers to death, and worship the ground my management walks on, if for no other reason than I'm extremely blessed to have the kind of opportunities I have. I work in a library setting legendary for its approach to pushing the envelope of the profession.

2. LICKIM CUNTOFF: I received an interesting e-mail this morning from this "person," seeking to sell me sex toys, Viagra, and heat-sensitive lubricant at low, low prices.

Gotta love spam. For some reason, my junk filter didn't catch this one. Who would buy sex aids from someone named Lickim Cuntoff?

3. LEONARD (Nimoy): Yes, I watch Star Trek, dammit. I can watch Star Trek almost continuously. Every series, movie, and even the cartoon.

I am a complete dork.

4. LEONARD (Cohen): I've been told the fact that I enjoy listening to Leonard Cohen redeems me from dorkiness...

Or it at least makes me a more cultured dork....

5. LIMA (as in beans) - I have a fetish for beans. For some people, beans are a side dish. Me? The whole meal, baby! I'm a quasi-vegetarian because I'm allergic to beef. Because of that, I've become an utilitarian eater - not much for fancy foods and I don't eat out much. I eat like, well, like I did as a kid on the farm - traditional rural cuisine.

And I eat a whole hell of a lot of lima beans. Love 'em. We're talking cattle quantities per week - one pound bags every seven days or so. I put em in my seductive succotash. I put them in my bitching Brunswick Stew.

6. LEMMY FROM MOTORHEAD - Hey, don't ask me. For some reason, he just popped in my head. Weird moles and all.

This heavy-metal, bad acid flashback brought to you by Mullet-Mate, the hair care solution for the half of my family still driving the same rusted-out Trans-Ams, sporting the same haircuts, and hitting on underage girls at the Winn-Dixie ... well into their 40s.

Gawdammit. Now I've got to track down some Motorhead Mp3s...

7. LOCOMOTIVES - One day, when I was 14, a friend and I decided to hop a train for nowhere.

We'd spent the day bass fishing, drinking cheap beer, and listening to Woody Guthrie and Jimmie Rodgers on the only station we could pick up on the farm truck's AM-Only radio - the "old" WSVS 800, the best country-gospel-bluegrass station EVER.

We were also completely loaded and inspired - a dangerous combination.

So we drove the pick-up to the Norfolk-Southern rail line a few miles away and waited for the afternoon coal cars bound for Hampton Roads. We were expecting to have to make some dramatic sprint to chase this sucker down - like in the movies.

We ran about 100 yards only to catch a train that was in the midst of making a stop.

My Woody Guthrie moment lasted a whole three miles, from Green Bay/Hell's Corner, Virginia, to Meherrin, Virginia.

8. LESBIANS: I love me some lesbians. Not for the normal, stereotypical guy reasons, either.

The lesbians who were exposed to my lily-white, Dayglo ass a few weeks ago? I left out last, kinda boring part of the story.

That Sunday, after skinny-dipping and sobering up a bit, we went back to the liquor store in College Corner to pick up some more supplies. A rather attractive brunette - a well-built Indiana farmer's daughter type, walked in to pick up a pack of Menthols and a six-pack of Miller High Life.

"Kate" gave me this strange look when the brunette bent over to pick up some dropped car keys. I was trying not to look, trying to be a gentleman.

"Fuck, look at that camel-toe. Dude, do you know what I could with that?"

I obviously forgot to pass along to my companions that this part of Indiana does have that whole Children of the Corn, "We Ain't Got No Lezbins" vibe going...

I had, indeed, noticed the camel-toe. Daisy Dukes, on some women, leave nothing to the imagination.

9. LEADBELLY: One of my all-time favorite musicians. A true American Original. Son House, John Lee Hooker, Gatemouth Brown, Robert Johnson...

Wha? You didn't know I listen to the blues? I'm a Southerner - I think it may be illegal in some states for me to NOT listen to the blues at least once a month. Hey, we INVENTED American music.

10. LAGNIAPPE: I used this word three times this week. It's a word commonly used in southern Mississippi and Louisiana. In general, it refers to receiving a little something extra - a gift. That's the best way to look upon one's life.

To add your own string, simply request a letter in the comments section. I'll assign you one. Hey, I'm not picky; if you want, pick your own letter.





15 comments:

Cat. said...

OK, I haven't used a sawzall at work...but I have used all three of the other things. You left out a plunger, forceps (for cleaning jams out of printers) and the stuff you throw on 'spills' to soak up the liquid--I can't think of the name of it. ;-)

Love Leadbelly...I think I may need to find our disc at work and pop it in the headphones today.

Throw me a letter, if you'd like.

Ms. Monkeythong said...

I'll take me a letter.

Miz BoheMia said...

Thanks for the oh-so-sweet mention amigo! I loved youe list!

Lima beans huh? YOu would love the Loverboy's falafels... he adds lima beans for them to have a better texture and I practically live off them. I don't eat much either and when I do I need to love what I eat and these falafels with the secret Lima bean ingredient surely do the trick!

I love me the lesbians too! Funny how we both went there in our memes! They round out the sistah-hood in my mind... this way women get the best of both worlds! More love, who can say no to that? ;-)

Kyahgirl said...

Hi, popping over from Miz B's place.

Your list is great.
Strangely enough, I knew your last word from the world of perfumery. There is a company called Lagniappe Oaks that make nice perfume products (from Louisanna of course!)

Cowgirl said...

Lovely list librarian! Well done.

KFigment said...

ooh oooh I want a letter!!!!!!

EsotericWombat said...

A sawzall is quite simply the most orgasmic handheld power tool in existance.

Also, Leadbelly is awesome.

I'll admit to loving lesbians for the stereotypical guy reasons, but not only for those reasons.

Let said...

Zen, the more information you share, the more normal I feel. Have I thanked ya?

Smurf said...

So leaving nothing to the imagination... can you believe I am 28 and am just being awoken to some very basic pieces of knowledge? Ok... here comes the CAPTAIN RANDOM in Smurf... *blush*... I always thought that Joel was one that was totally into just...ok *blush*... I wasn't realizing that the whole imagination part of sex was this huge part of the stimulation adding so much to it for men. Joel always got turned on immediately as he watched me change my clothes or get undressed for the shower or just laying next to me and putting his arm around me... For some reason there are certain things I didn't think about... we never lacked in that area... tmi here... but anyways... umm.. that comment about the camel toe and the no room for imagination... wouldn't you like a little bit of an adventure? Or...are you one that likes to know everything ahead of time? I remember you were one that said you wanted to sample your milk before buying the cow... at least years ago you said that... but what are your feelings now Mr Zenfo Pro?? Just curious.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Cat:
Hmmm...we'll go with C.

Absorption pellets of some kind?

Hmmm...

:)


MM:
Lol...already talked to ya online, and I can't remember for the life of me what letter I gave you...

I do remember it wasn't T, however ;)


MizB:
Lol...lima beans are the FOOD of the GODS! The falafels sound wonderful! :)

Actually, I use the larger butter variety as a substitute for chickpeas to make a form of hummus...

Kyahgirl:
Hey! Thanks for stopping by!

Lol...I know nothing about perfumes, but I am familiar with the brand. Lol...funny that I know that, considering I'm probably one of the least fashion-savvy people I know :)


Cowgirl:
Lol... I figured you'd dig it, chica ;)


Kfig:
I'm giving you, um...D.


Wombat:
Oh hell yeah...that, and a hammer drill (used one of those too) or a Mig welder.

Like giant man vibrators, dude.

And I'm not saying that I mind going into a club and watching to lesbians go at it ... wink wink, nudge, nudge, eh?


Let:
LMAO. Not sure if that's a compliment or not ;)

Yep. I'm a strange one...

Either way, you are very welcome, chica :)


Smurf:
Ya know, I never figured out why you didn't choose Capt. Random as your blog handle.

One reason:

"Fuck the cucumber - I'll use a penis." (Northern Colorado, outside Snyder Hall, Spring Semester 1997)


Lol...I said that?

NOTE TO KIDS READING THIS: Drugs are bad, m'kay. Mixing tequila and saurkraut leads to waking up in a female roommate's pink bathrobe sick as a dog...

Actually, I don't think I've changed that much in terms of philosophy...modified, but not changed.

Hey, at least camel-toe girl wasn't wearing purple lipstick and didn't have any gang ink... ;)

Smurf said...

LMAO- SECRETS REVEALED 2006!!! ;P

KFigment said...

OOOH OOOH wait. Pink bathrobe, sick as a dog, hanging out for the whole world to see, begging for a cure.

My favorite Captain Random Moment over Zen Fro Pros mashed potato sculpture of the U.S. complete with cucumber bombs and the conversation about the state of the world. "can you dye my eyes to match my gown"

Cat. said...

I'm up at Sweet Memes.

Thanks!

Smurf said...

Kfifgment~ All I am going to say is... "I like Jello..." ;) uh humm... lol

Smurf said...

Here is a small compilation of some of these from entitled •.¸(¯`'•.¸A Fun Alphabet Meme.•'´¯)¸.•
Bloggers' Networking (Tagging of sorts) Challenge.