HAMILTON CONFIDENTIAL: Keeping History from Repeating Itself...Epilogue

HAMILTON, Ohio (ZP) -- Its been two weeks since I've been down to Hamilton. Mainly because I've been afraid I'll run into someone I'm really not interested in seeing while out shopping.

The person in question, whom I'll call Chase, and I didn't exactly part ways on the best of terms. For one, I decided at a rather awkward moment that I've got way too much self-respect for a quick fling with a woman who already has a boyfriend and a child. Secondly, I'm pretty sure (as in 99.997% sure) that I conveyed, probably bluntly, that I'm not interested in being someone's crutch or escape hatch anymore. And I'm certain that, regardless of how much she wanted something to happen, I was sure I didn't want to go down that path.

More importantly in terms of my physical well-being, I'm even less interested in running into her step-brother, who I'll call Pete. Pete is not only Chase's kin, but he also works for the same construction company as her beau. I haven't heard from him in two weeks, and he hasn't heard from me. Probably best to leave it that way. Pete's a big guy with a temper and a drinking problem.

Anyway, I figured I'd make the trip to Hamilton Saturday. Throw fate to the wind. Besides, if I was destined to get snuffed by a girl's irrate boyfriend or kin, it would've happened to me a long time ago, back when I really was a total bastard. Besides, Goodwill was having another 50% Off Sale and I needed some new pants.

I pulled off at a gas station in Hamilton to grab some smokes and fill up my tank. While I'm at the pump, someone hollers from a passing pick-up and waves. The truck pulls up beside me and this skinny redhead in a cowboy hat grins at me.

No clue who she was.

Turns out she lives across the street from Pete and his roomates. Met me a couple of times at Pete's house. Girlfriend of one of the roomates.

Shit.

We talked for about 30 minutes in the parking lot. I got the rest of the story about what happened after I'd dropped Chase off at the house...

Essentially, things ended up going down pretty much how I expected. She made a big scene that night, told her beau that she was leaving him, that she was going to move to Memphis, and that she'd cheated on him - with me. She then went off the deep end, claiming that we'd been having this (imaginary) torrid affair for months. Additionally, she claimed, in front of a living room full of people, that she'd been cheating on him since she found out she was pregnant, that he was horrible in bed, that the baby might not be his, and that she wasn't really abusing Adderall.

Okay...now I'm certain, beyond a reasonable doubt, I made the right call in not getting involved.

I asked the redhead what she thought really happened two weeks ago.

She said she figured Chase made it all up, because, in her opinion, Chase was completely nuts. She also said I seemed like too smart of a guy to fall into that trap. I told her what really happened and she laughed hard. She told me that's what she figured that's how things really went down. Apparently, I wasn't the first guy she'd tried to use as baby-daddy repellant.

Yeah. Glad I trusted my gut on that one. And my moral compass. Guess they both come in handy sometimes.