Sunday, October 09, 2005

Keeping History from Repeating Itself

HAMILTON, Ohio (ZP) -- For the last couple of months, I've been playing guitar a couple of times with these three guys I met this summer. Mostly, they call me up on lazy Saturday mornings to ask if I want to come down and jam, to drink some beer and socialize.

Aside from the occasional phone call and a grand total of maybe a 12 hours spent hanging out, I really have nothing in common with these guys. Sure, we like the same kinds of music and we all play instruments.

But two of the guys - who I'll call Dave and George - have criminal records, the third - who I'll call Pete - has a brother in prison. Not that I hold that against them. I grew up with a lot of guys who are now in the same boat, and in a lot of ways, its great to sit around and shoot the shit and pick at some old punk and rockabilly tunes - everything from Hank Williams to Social Distortion and the Cramps.

But I'm the only one there with a college education, actually, the only one there with a high school degree. Except for Pete's step-sister, who I'll call Chase - who lives in Kentucky but somehow always happens to be in Hamilton whenever I'm down there.

Chase is a rather attractive woman, with jet-black hair, gorgeous green eyes, and a million-dollar personality. She's looks and dresses a lot like Parker Posey. Chase has a lot of issues. Issues with a capital I. I'll skip over the details, but basically, she had a very rough childhood. The kind that requires a lot of healing and a lot of therapy to get over.

When I got down to Pete's house today, everybody's completely plastered. So I decide to take off and do some shopping - not my scene. Chase asks if she can come along for the ride.

We spent about two hours cruising around Hamilton. We hit up a bar or two. We hit up a music store. We had lunch. Somehow, we ended up stretched out in the bed of my truck by the Miami River, watching traffic.

While we're lying on our backs talking about the most random stuff, she asks me if she can do something. I say sure, like a dumbass. Before I can react, she kisses me. And, well, I kiss her right back without thinking. But then logic kicked back in, and luckily, I managed to reign in my libido before things reached that point-of-no-return.

The problem? I felt like I was being roped into something, like I was simply reacting to stimuli, running on the same auto pilot that caused me so much grief. There's another, less esoteric reason as well.

Chase has a boyfriend - and a child with said boyfriend.

She didn't take my sudden change-of-heart well, but better than I thought she would. She didn't say much after that - it was obvious that she was pissed. And I'm pretty sure she had indeed set me up a bit. (Note - while I've often been accused of being too flirtatious, I'm almost completely oblivious to any flirting directed at me.)

Needless to say, I probably won't be getting a call to jam with Pete, George, or Dave again. When I dropped Chase off, they were sitting on the porch. I'm pretty sure her slamming my truck door raised some questions. Not sure if I really want to know how she answered the questions.

But I did the right thing. I've been down that road before - no desire to go back.


Anonymous said...

Boy, your part of the universe is in testing mode. EVERYONE has times like that. Situations come up for lessons you need to learn -- over and over and over til you're damn well sick of it. But at least you're aware of it. A lot of people just think it's fatge, or "Why me?" or whatever, instead of facing up to things. So, yay! Jason!

Anonymous said...

Oops! that's FATE, not fatge. Whatever fatge is.

dark mistress said...

i realized last nite that i know who you are! i see you all the time outside of kofenya. you were there last night and you gave me a cigarette by the park. yeah strange girl i know(overheard your cell conversation...sorry)
Ms monkythong, i think your right about the universe being in testing mode and there arelessons to learn.

jason im like so sorry you had a bad time yesterday. life sucks sometimes but you did the right thing. if it makes you feel anybetter my friend ashley (hoodie girl)thought you were like jesus or something for offering me your jacket while we sat on the bench. and lol its really obvious you don't know how to read girls't you think it wierd that she never said anything and kept looking away while I was bumming a smoke?
anyway, don't sweat it. yeah you did the right thing definitely.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Ah ha! You now know who I am?!? Well, "Dark Mistress," you were certainly not what I expected either. Its nice to put a face to the postings.

Damn, this town is small...even in cyberspace.

As for the jacket thing, well, I'm certainly nowhere near Jesus-like. And, in all honesty, I don't remember which girl you're referring to. Weren't there two other girls with you?

Hope everyone in your party made it back to campus safe and sound.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Yeah, testing is definitely the mode of choice lately. But * sigh * I guess I finally have to admit I've grown past a lot of stuff.

And you're so right! Everyone does have times like that, moments where passion and logic hit each other head on.

I honestly should've seen it coming though. It felt like a date, to other folks it probably looked like a date. Really need to learn to read body language...

Yup, definitely can't chalk this up to just fate. And, hell, life's a learning experience. Why take the same test twice? the New Orleans CD...all hail Monkeythong and her Amazing Mix Tape Skills!

Lupe said...

Dude, that's so fucked up. She blew you off because you basically wouldn't put out while her baby-daddy was somewhere else?
Don't hang out with people like that dude. And don't kiss people back just cuz they kiss you first if ya don't want to do it.

And what, exactly, are you doing offering girls your jacket? Jeezus...what are we gonna do with you?

LibraryTavern Liz said...

What am I doing wrong? You seem to constantly have members of the opposite sex after you! Give me tips! I need a date that isn't battery-operated or doesn't come in a bottle enclosed in a little purple pouch!

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

I personally can't tolerate women like that no matter if they have some kind of traumatizing history which requires them to be validated by having everyman want to do them.

It does not seem that men , even men that need some kid of validation , pull those kind of little tricks in order to validate themselves they look to other men.

Best not to take advantage of those situations I say.

The ZenFo Pro said...

I'd hate to say it, but I think you hit the nail right on the head. As for what to do wih me, LOL. Your guess is as good as mine.

Wish I had some tips, but I'm not exactly loving the attention. I make lifestyle changes, get my shit together, and still aend up in the same frustrating situations. I'm so sick of being put in the situation of being the other I have a sign tattooed somewhere that reads "Spare Dick - In Case of Emergency, Break Glass?"

Look at it this least battery-operated dates never leave you feeling guilty. And Crown Royal has, unfortunately, offered better conversation and less baggage than about 90% of the women I've ever been involved with.

Honestly, I couldn't agree more. It is about validation. This girl fit the stereotypical need-to-be-loved-constantly model to a tee.

Actually, I think there are at least some guys who pull the same kind of validation stuff - at least I knew a couple of guys like that in California.

Katherine said...

okay...this is like so off-topic but i was just watching The Sweetest Thing on Comedy Central and reading the comments. I don't know if you've seen the flick, but theres some like major irony here. I think you're being treated like the kind of throw away guy you meet in bars if your a woman when you don't seem to be that way at all.

Smurf said...

I am proud of you Jason. That is a hard thing to do!

LibraryTavern Liz said...

Yeah, I was mostly kidding about wanting that kind of attention. I used to get hit on A LOT and it was mostly by men whose attention I did not desire. I learned to stop presenting myself in such a way that attracted the unwanted attention. And, yes, Mr. Royal and I have an excellent relationship. I respect him, don't abuse him, and in return he makes me feel good and treats me well. :-)

Kara said...


GOOD FOR YOU! Though, I am not surprised that all these girls are so attracted to you. With all that you have been through it is awesome that you have not completely closed off that HUGE HEART of yours! It is something that I envy about you. I have not been hurt in the same ways, but I still have thick walls built around my heart. Mostly, it has displayed itself in an overall distrust for people, and moreso for intelligent men. It's been only through the grace of God and a few exceptional men, yourself included, from whom I have drawn the courage to confront some of these issues in my own life. (Part of the reason I haven't been around)I may not keep in touch well, but that does not mean that you have not had a tremendous impact in my life. It may sound cheesey, but it's true. Through you, God has shown me hope for healing.

All that being said, I pray that you will find a girl who respects herself and YOU. The pickins may be slim, especially in anorexic alley, but they are out there, I promise!!!

As always, thanks for sharing your experiences and, well, for just being you!


Leigh said...

I am so glad you didn't fall into her little trap. She definately has issues she must deal with and its best not to get involved with someone who's involved (I know that one from experience!). But you seem to realized that and absolutely did the right thing in this situation...kudos to you Jason!

The ZenFo Pro said...

LOL...not off-topic at all. I actually caught that flick last night as well. And I think I understand what you mean by irony...and I appreciate the compliment.

Hard is a bit of an understatement. When I say I waited until the last minute to kind of cool things off, I mean last minute... Let me put it this way...imagine putting all the ingredients for a smoothie into a blender, you put the lid on, and poof! The power goes out in the neighborhood. Chase's ingredients were already whirling, and I pulled the plug.

LOL chica! No worries...I figured you were joking. Yeah, I figure its probably best just to pull myself out of those kinds of situations. Get the fuck outta dodge, so to speak, before somebody gets shot. As for Mr. Royal, I've been having a rather nasty menage a trois with Mr. Dewars and Bombay Safire lately ;)

Hey, you are sooooo welcome, chica. Hope and courage are good things and the elixir of life that leads to all healing...and, on a lighter note, sorry I almost ran you down with a go cart last week. Was giving a tour...:)

I'm glad too. When I was younger, I had no problem being the fling. As I've gotten a bit more mature, I realize there's always a price to pay. Been there too many times.

UNLV Women Unite! said...

Okay...this may seem crude but when you say you waited to the LAST MINUTE what do you mean??? i like the blender example but not sure if [and this makes me feel so stupid for saying it thes way) but do you mean like third base last minute or sliding into home last minute? not to criticize or anything but being a woman i can see that might make somebody pretty angry without an explanation or something. did you tel her why you backed off or what?? i think you definately did the right thing in the situation but if you just stopped on a i making any sense??? i hope this isn't too embarrassing or like pisses ya off or anything. don't answer unless you really want to. just curious homes.

hey, and thanks so much for the term paper help. the local librarians were like very helpful but they kinda treated me like a dumb kid for asking. once i mentioned ebsco, this one woman gotso librarians have orgasms over this database and typing same time talking on cell phone.

Much love!

The ZenFo Pro said...

Lol...I got so excited that you may have actually used technology to create a a web site called UNLV Women Unite - instead of using it to figure out how to TiVo things... ;)

Not a stupid question, and honestly, I hadn't thought about the timing thing. I am, after all, a guy...not a very bright one at that, sometimes. I've never understood the whole baseball-sex thing. I'll take a stab at it: maybe sliding into home? Squeeze play at the plate? I think I just succeeded in confusing myself :) And yeah, I did try to at least explain my reasoning. But I figure a person who's already committed to cheating doesn't want to hear you acknowledge you're uncomfortable with with the situation. There's more to it, but that's the simple answer.

As for the paper help, hey, no problem. And congratulations, BTW. This is the first time I've ever seen the words "librarians" "orgasms" and "database" in the same sentence. And, as far as I know, a patron's knowledge of EBSCO has never made any librarian hot and bothered. But you never know... :P

Anonymous said...

Jason: Dude, I can relate. Lately I've been apparantly wearing the following sign ...

"Got a boyfriend? Not happy with him? Door's wide open, baby!!!"

Seriously. Last four or five women I've met, flirted with, etc ... boyfriend showed up each time. WTF??!! Can't I just find a decent single girl somewhere in this town? Aaargh ...

Liz: You're not alone in this one, either. The past couple years I've been taking turns dating the lovely members of the Bacardi family. Such a comfort they provide ... ;-)