Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I Don't "Do"...
EPILOGUE

Oh, the joys of living in a small college town...

I worked late tonight...until about six. I'm sitting in my office, and somebody opens the door a crack. Before I can see who it is, the door shuts again. I hear some girl answer her cell phone in the stairwell outside of my office.

Keep working. About ten minutes later, the door opens again...just a crack, then shuts. Then, the sound of the same girl's voice coming from the stairwell.

Nobody EVER comes to my office after four in the afternoon. Unless they know I'm there. That's why I like to work late...

As I'm leaving the building, cell phone vibrates in my pocket. Answer the call (noticing I have about five missed calls at the same time).

"Oh my God...you really are a librarian, aren't you?"

Okay. PTSD flashbacks. Creepy feeling. Look over my shoulders. Getting paranoid.

"Who is this?" I ask.

"[Jane Doe]" the woman says. "From Friday...oh, sorry. Had your cell number on the back of your card and I didn't know if you were in your office."

Note to self: Quit pre-writing cell numbers on the back of business cards.

"Oh. Hey. How's it going?"

Yeah, not very creative, but its the best I could do.

Long story short, this girl was calling to say that her roommates had thought, indeed, something had happened between she and I. After exchanging very vague pleasantries and several periods of awkward silence, the purpose of her call finally became apparent.

"Um...this sounds really bad...um..."

"Nope."

"Okay. Good. I was pretty sure, but not completely."

"No problem."

"You're really a librarian..."

"Yup."

That pretty much sums up the first 15 minutes of our conversation - repeated questions about a) was I sure nothing happened, b) questions about my professional life, and c) me responding in short answers.

Then I asked if she was the person who kept opening my door tonight. Apparently, one of her friends was in the building and wanted to "verify" I was who I said I was.

Who would lie about being a librarian? I have yet to meet a librarian or other library staff member anywhere who uses that as a pick-up line. More importantly, why would I lie about what I do? Especially to a girl with whom my only connection is her throwing up out my pick-up window.

Then she asked me if I wanted to go to some 80s Night thing with her friends. Or maybe go out Friday.

I politely declined but thanked her for the offer, exchanged more pleasantries, and hung up.

It was at this moment I came to a startling conclusion --

Somewhere, at some random time in the recent past, I must have died and gone to hell. Or worse. Like an episode of the O.C. Maybe worse...ugh...Dawson's Creek.

That is the most rational explanation I can come up with at this point.

12 comments:

Beth T said...

Can you hear that sound?

Its the sound of me laughing my ass off.

zydeco fish said...

Wow. That has to be the most amazing Librarian story I have ever heard.

Ms. Monkeythong said...

Well! If more librarians wore thongs under their skirts like I do, we wouldn't have this kind of dull reputation!

The ZenFo Pro said...

Beth:
Hardy-har-har. :)

ZF:
Welcome to lovely Oxford. A large portion of the community consists of Miami students, and I think part of the problem lies in the fact that students don't have anything better to do.

I had an office assistant at a property management point out once that I was one of the most eligible under-30 bachelors in Oxford. Before I could even get excited about it, she pointed out her criteria: 1. I don't have a substance abuse problem, 2. I don't have a criminal record, 3. I have a job, and 4. I don't hit on everything with a pulse. Not exactly the bastion of single life. For the student pop., I think its worse.

MM:
I'd wear a skirt to work, but it wouldn't go well with my work boots. And thongs make my ass look fat ;-)

Anonymous said...

LOL...this is the funniest male librarian story I've heard in a long time. The stereotype of male librarians I've heard are often just as bad as the female librarian stereotypes...who knows what Jane Doe heard.

G said...

Yeah, Librarian as a pick up line REALLY doesn't work all that well. I think most people assume that if you use a line as dull as 'librarian', you aren't trying at all to pick up on them. Unless you are in a librarian bar - er, Starbucks, that is. ;-)

G said...

Oh, I can't choose between Dawson, Seth, or Jasoba!!! Whatever shall I do ... ???

Dude, this chick's name doesn't happen to be Joey, does it? Or Summer for that matter ...

... and yes (sigh of relief) that is the extent of my DC and OC knowledge. Other than the fact that Mischa Barton would be totally hot were she not far too skinny.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

I have a cousin that goes to there, I'm sure it wasn't her. lol

She looks like my twin though, she is pretty smart but does know how to party.
I hear it is quite a little party school.


Damn college kids.

Night of the living Dead- yes
Guitar - yes
Chica my favorite term of endearment. lol

Things are pretty uncomfortable for guys I hear and if they catch a librarian wearing one I hear there is hell to pay.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Anon:
LOL...well, glad ya appreciated it. And yeah, stereotypes abound. The fact that, in my job for instance, I rarely touch a book at work often blows people's minds. It often blows my mind, however, when I hear a female user say they associate male librarians with the librarian from Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

G:
Dude, I couldn't agree more. Librarian as pick-up line isn't a good model. Of course, most pick-up lines are pretty cheesy anyways.

But a friend told me recently that she had a student worker at a university library out West innocently pose as "librarian" to get her phone number - as a professional, I guess that should bother me more than it does, but I did the same thing when I was a student worker. I'm sure a lot of reference librarians/ desk supers would get upset at this - esp. if it was a fulltime librarian or staff member. But the guy was properly trained in negotiating a reference interview and handled a rather complex question pretty well while the librarian was busy with another client.

I also pride myself in my limited knowledge of DC and the OC...not exactly brainfood. Still trying to figure out what the hell is the point of either show...LOL...had to google Mischa Barton...somebody get this woman a ham-on-rye, stat!!! The poor girl would blow away in a breeze...

Alice:
LOL...I'll keep an eye out for your cuz, chica. If I catch her doing something stupid, I'll let you know... ;-)

Yeah, MU's a bit of a party school. Its an image I hear the U. is not proud of and is dilligently working to change it. Part of the problem is the surrounding community and its isolation from major cities. Oxford has more tanning salons and sandwich shops than any other college town I've ever been in. Independent record shops have closed, most of the older businesses are being turned into more trendy boutiques...I've heard a lot of alums talk about how they miss the "feel" of Oxford c. 1960-1985.

LOL, damn college kids?!? LOL...I was the quintessential college party kid for eight years - six years as an undergrad. One of my bigges fears in life is that one day those photos of me doing Grey Goose "Luge Shots" (Shots taken from a channel cut in a block of ice) and "gutterbombs" (basically a beer bong fed by a rooftop keg and fed through a downspout) will turn up online...

And yeah, skirts are definitely out of the question. Toomuch chaffing risk for guys ;-)

Katherine said...

i think guy librarians are sexy :) i was like totally in love with the bookmobile guy when i was in highschool...the nasty things i could do to that boy ha hah ha

i wish we had hot librarians up here at OSU. they all seem so old and boring...is the sterotype for guy librarians like youre all gay or something? how do you get to be a librarian i wanna be one:D

G said...

Kath,

That's pretty much it. Libraries are like the fashion world, or hairdressing, when it comes to men in the field. The majority of men in librarianship are gay, and though there is a growing number of straight men entering the field, the stereotype still exists. Which is really not good for those of us who are quite hetero, when we introduce ourselves as librarians and get that look.

Librarians reading this, you know exactly what I mean by that.

Smurf said...

Wow... Poor Jason!