Saturday, April 07, 2007

THE OXFORD (FUCKING OHIO) DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS:
Of Barbers, Your Mom as Deep Thought, and Other Strange Things...

Son, now don't be embarrassed when I say this, but I know Hamilton Hash Marks when I see 'em. Back in '38, before the war, my best girl at the time used to leave teeth marks all over my body when we'd go out for a malt and a movie. She had a hell of a bite, son, whoever she was.

- The ZenFo Pro Barber, who from now on
will be referred to as WWII Vet Yoda.

Er, yeah. The whole swearing off women thing
went out the window last weekend...


* * * *
I, like, ate this chick out for, like, five minutes, and she still wouldn't let me give her the bone, dog.

- Local U. undergrad on his cell, overheard while
walking home from the bars this weekend.


* * * *

Your mom's a college campus.

- Not-So-Chinese Philosopher Drinking Buddy,
sharing his Koan of Higher Education Understanding.


* * * *
WHITE GIRL TERRORISM.

- Graffiti common throughout Oxford, considered by many residents to be one of the dumbest examples of tagging ever shared with the world.

Now this is talent...


* * * *

I'm an educated gay man. I've never understood why people always seem shocked to learn that, yes, gay sex involves anal intercourse, or that straight people also enjoy it. What do they think happens when two gay men hop into bed together? We lay in bed, speaking with lisps and talking about fashion? Or that my partner and I cuddle while I'm grading papers? Please.

- Via offline IM, from a highly educated gay man.


* * * *
Baseball hates me. The feeling's mutual, really.

- Esteemed colleague, coding genius, and all-around nice guy, over way too many drinks last night.


* * * *

Look, sex is meant to be fun and talking dirty has existed since mankind first discovered that sex was fun. Women do it. Men do it. Advocating policies that discourage open, honest discussions reflective of all viewpoints boils down to advocating censorship. And censorship is much more harmful to college students than saying "fuck" on a blog...

- The ZenFo Pro, offline, as part of a panel discussion
at an undisclosed university months ago.
(Not going in the C.V., but thanks, ladies, for the invite.)


* * * *

If Jesus could carry the cross to His own execution, I think you all should be able to make it to class after Good Friday Mass...

- An instructor, reportedly reminding his students that the the Local U. is indeed a secular, state-funded institution, and, well, it's kinda dumb to argue with a former Catholic over canceling classes.

* * * *
Holy buttfuck assmonkeys! Dude, I just deleted my fucking paper!

- Local U. student, who apparently forgot
that good information management includes
backing up data constantly.

* * * *
I drink to make Oxford go away. Well, to make the Oxford guys go away, anyway.

- Local U. student, female.
Overheard at the grocery store.

* * * *

Hey, do you know what goes into a Jack and Coke? Like, whiskey or something?

- Not kidding.
* * * *
This is the best librarian blog out there, no question.

- Zydeco Fish, Toronto-based blogger,
who gets mad props for one of the the coolest compliments
I've ever received from a fellow AltLib blogger.

- # # # -


REVISED 4/8/07 - Heh, forgot that there are a lot of hot non-Library World bloggers who've given me equally cool reviews in the past, so I've changed my shout-out the ZF a bit to reflect that fact. - Jason


16 comments:

xboxgirl said...

Yeah, this is definitely 'the best librarian blog out there' and you are most likely the coolest, cutest, sexiest, librarian out there[among other things] ;)

Cat. said...

"What's in Jack & Coke?" I almost sprayed the monitor with shiraz.

Thanks for the smile. :-)

Miz BoheMia said...

I loved the gay guy's quote! Genius!

SF was the only city where the most graffitied word is "Vegan"... ha, ha, haaaa! I am not kidding!

Hey! When you have a hottie like Cooper saying you are a James Deanish hottie and bohemians everywhere finding you funkified, THAT'S the best compliment ever (not that it was a bad one but how else am I gonna mess with you???)??? Hmmmmm?

;-)

Have a good weekend Jason!

xboxgirl said...

Happy Easter sweety!.....Tomorrow(or technically today) I'm dressing up as a big ugly, bright baggy, yellow rabbit [as a handicap to try and even the odds] to play in a paintball 'death match'. Wish me good aim, as this ugly rabbit suit a little hard to see out of :)

EsotericWombat said...

I resolutely agree with Miz B. Though having no real category I can't attest to having superlatives declared that aren't extremely specific.

Also I think if I was behind a bar and heard that I would refuse service.

That's the only way I take Jack, actually. And that's the only whisk(e)y I say that about

The ZenFo Pro said...

Xbox:
Muchas, muchas gracias, chica! Lol, I have a kinda sorta history with, well, self-esteem issues. Always makes me feel good to get these kinds of compliments :)

And happy easter back atcha! WTF? Are you guys doing some, lol, Donnie Darko Satanic Bunny hunt or something out there in Cali? :)

Cat:
Lord, I wish I were kidding. Seriously. Poor girl. I wonder how she manages to breathe and walk simultaneously.

MizB:
Wasn't it just wonderful? I'm trying, slowly, to work more open - off and online - with filling in some gaps for some folks with posts as to, well, the kinda people who read this silly thing.

You'll be AMAZED to know, despite you and I knowing each other via Blogosphere for, what, two years, waaayyy too many local students are just now realizing that people in Spain read this, Australia, Canada, London, Tel Aviv, Paris, New York, LA, and SF, faculty and students at other universities, etc., are often mentioned or exchanged links with via this site.

This may be flattering (I thought it was funny), but one woman told me she always assumed the Bohemian was actually a peer of Stephan!e Lee in the Western Program...at the Local U!

And Cooper and you calling me a hottie? Lol, I forgot that for some reason. I actually changed the post to reflect the SMOKIN' SEXY SMART Lady Bloggers out there who've given me compliments :)

Wombat:
Lol, I figured I'd better show ZF some love, since he's one of the few library folks brave enough to leave comments left. Having gotten a lot of grief from other information pros in the past, and recently, ZF's comment really made my year. He works in the same industry as I do. You wouldn't believe how many LibBloggers maintain sites that, yeah, make us all look like we sit at home every night, knitting "Book Kitty" sweaters for our 4 million cats, watching Charlie Rose and touching ourselves inappropriately whilst we read Library Journal...

Um...the woman in question was actually a server in a bar, asking a bartender. Now is that damned terrifying...

Woeful said...

My 2 cents:

The student who lost the paper invited the flying assmonkeys to buttfuck him/her with a neon, "Enter Here!" sign.

... What makes a Jack & Coke?! Take two shots of dumbass tonic, and don't call me in the morning.

Happy Easter ZenfoPro!

Cat. said...

Someone in a bar doesn't know how to mix Jack & coke?

Fire her.

Now.

Sadly, I know you aren't kidding.

Jess in lv bored shitless said...

LOVE THE PICTURE!!! That's just hella cool.

Honey get the fuck out of oxford seriously. your such a talented guy witty funny and intelligent.

xboxgirl said...

Well you very much deserve all those compliments, because they are true after all. :)

Yes, the 35 people {more then I was expiecting} that showed for the match seamed to have satanic tendencies saved up for the baggy yellow rabbit {me, that is}. But at least I came out #1 {with 8 'kills'} even though they got overly enthusiastic and ganged up on the rabbit, which they where not supposed to do [this was called 'death match' not 'team death match'] and on top of that (after tallying up the scores) they decided to have a raw egg fight [I should have guessed why that old guy had a bunch of eggs in his truck] , to which I happily joined in [this is where that rabbit suit finely came in handy], AND after that this guy and his teenage son {never saw those two before} tried to throw me in the stream (they thought I was a guy), but instead the rabbit shoved the guy in to the stream [no one messes with this yellow rabbit]..........Yep, this was an Easter to remember.

Smurf said...

the whiskey quote sounds like something I would say *blush*... lol ... but jack is a whiskey... lol

I loved your Easter card.. that was TOTALLY AWESOME! Mucho props man!

The ZenFo Pro said...

Woeful:
Lmao! In all fairness, I think everybody's done it at least once, esp. if you work or study in a IT-heavy environment. But, lol, the exclamation, coming from this tiny little sorority girl was just so funny I had to share. Creative profanity, too...

Cat:
Lol, well, it could've been worse, I guess. She could've been confused over a "water no ice" order ;)

Jess:
Heh. why oh why does everyone I've ever known, off and online, whose visited Oxford Fucking Ohio say that?

Hmmm....

;)

Xbox:
Ha! Sounds awesome!

Smurf:
Lol. All I'm gonna say to that is "fuck the cucumber, I'll use a penis."

Why oh why did you not choose Captain Random for your blog handle anyway, chica? :)

Well, thank ya kindly, ma'am...

cooper said...

This was quite funny.

I do not think I need to say anything to make your head any larger...I think your self esteem is doing just fine Jason. And it should remain stable as far as I am concerned.

;)

Woeful said...

O Man... I'm the Systems Librarian, and I go around telling people all the time to back their shit up! "Woeful, what happened to my data?"
"I don't know, that's why you have a backup... You do have a backup, right?" [deer in headlights].

The ZenFo Pro said...

Coop:
Lmao...nah, I was born with a big, square mellon already. Not much inside these days, however.

It's funny, though. A friend of mine was telling me the other day that, lol, blogging has actually helped my physical self-image...while simultaneously making me a hermit...

Woeful:
Oh, I know that deer-in-headlight look oh too well...

xboxgirl said...

Yeah, the only thing that is not so awesome is the {now}fairly smelly, slimy, torn and dirt packed rabbit suit {which I was going to keep as a remembrance, or something, but I'm having second thoughts, because I think flys might have laid eggs on it}.