Friday, January 26, 2007

FIVE (MORE) THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME:
Of Text Chimp Reference, The "Missing" Flings, and Some Damn Fine Boots

Thanks to Jessica for the tag. And sorry it's taken me so long to get around to answering it.

- Jason

- FIVE (5) -

You know, I get a lot of criticism, in-person and online, regarding my openness about relationships and/or flings. But I'll bet most people don't know that there are five relationship-type things that DID NOT appear on the Zenformation Professional last year.

I ended two of them, one ended it when her boyfriend returned from Europe, and the other was a draw (better off as just friends.) One I promised I'd never talk about online - or off - because of the impact it could have in her personal and professional life.

The No. 1 reason for not appearing? Well, I thought they might lead somewhere.

One of my New Year's resolutions this year is to not blog about anything that could amount to anything more than a fling.

Several close female friends have informed me that, well, the idea that I write about damned near everything on this here Blogger Homestead probably scares the living shit out of a lot of women, the kind of women I've been told - even by flings - that I should actually date.

Me? In a long-term, real, honest-to-God boyfriend role? Something other than the Perpetual Other Man, Escape Hatch Fling, Commitment Panic-Attack Guy? Please. I think I've given up on that pipe dream.

Aside from the California Fling, I think I'm back to my swearing off women thing for at least a few months. I guess there are some things I just need to sort out for myself.


- FOUR (4) -

I am no longer a proponent of text-message reference. Other forms of electronic and virtual reference services? Sure. But no more of this "just text me the answer" shit for me, thank you very much.

One of "Britney's" former roommates asked me for after-hours assistance with one of her last-semester projects earlier this week. As we were chatting online about her paper, she and I were simultaneously texting back and forth. I've been trying to get the hang of this whole texting thing, since several friends of mine communicate almost exclusively via text messaging.

I'm just not very good at it. Makes me feel like a circus chimp with a graphing calculator.

A few minutes after the online, off-the-clock reference session ended, I received three calls from exes, two from relatives, and one from the high school kid I used to tutor.

All of them had received texts from me by mistake, all containing the normal "too personal/profane/intense" content that distinguishes the "ZenFo Pro" reference sessions from the "Librarian Jason" patron help.

Er...yeah. Rather embarrassing.

Circus chimp. With a TI-86.


- THREE (3) -

Since November, I've probably eaten enough Alaskan salmon to qualify as a threat to that state's ecosystem.

Hey, don't ask me. I go through phases. Notoriously strange eater.

Smoked salmon with soy cream cheese and sliced Anaheim peppers?

Makes for one hell of a breakfast. Not a bad hangover cure, either.

- TWO (2) -

The best gift I received this Christmas?

A pair of new Ariat boots from my dad.

It should be illegal for western-cut cowboy boots to be so comfortable, right out of the box.

He made a point of telling me that the boots were on sale, the soles were better suited for Yankee Ohio, and that I should be able to get four or five years' wear out of the suckers.

Didn't even notice the color. Didn't care. Durable. That's all that mattered.

You know, that's what I love about my dad. Practical. Efficient. Conscious of the sheer amount of pointless consumerism that's destroying America one wasted dollar at a time.

Always wondered who taught me how to shop...

Hell, I still wear his father's cowboy hat. Who the hell would throw out a perfectly good hat?

- ONE (1) -

The funniest things I've heard/read since I've returned to Oxford Fucking Ohio:


I don't know what's more pathetic - the fact that you actually admit to having a blog, or the fact that I've read it.

- One of the "bowling buddies," while shooting a late night game of pool.


"Dude, did you just hit on my mom?"

- Not one of the "bowling buddies."

"Here's your motherfucking X-mas gift. Robot Chicken Season 1. Had [publicist] send you a copy since you haven't returned one fucking call in two months. Move to L.A. Kisses asshole :) ~ Vicky Stagina."

[When I picked the package up at the post office, the clerk pronounced the name "Stuh-JEAN-ah." It wasn't until a few days afterward that I actually got the joke. While at work. In the middle of a rather boring meeting. I almost choked to death on my coffee.]


"Nothing like raw sewage to make ya feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

- Custodian, at work, referencing a recent plumbing malfunction.


"I think we should Facebook him. Asshole. Wait until he ends up on Facebook."

- Two female students in the ZenFo Library,
upset by the fact that I was running a drill this afternoon.


* * * *

There's a Special Needs gentleman here in Oxford who has told me, at least once a week for the past two years, that I remind him of Jon Voight's character in Midnight Cowboy.

He mentioned it again, five minutes ago, on his way out of a local coffee shop.

It always seems to make my day, for some reason.




- ### -

As always with these meme things, consider this an "Open Source" tag. If you feel it, steal it and make it your bitch.


15 comments:

Cat. said...

Best use of this meme I've seen ANYwhere. And I've seen it bloody-everywhere! So far I have managed to resist doing it myself.

Also, thanks for the salmon 'recipe.' It sounds yummy. Seriously. Does that make me weird too?

Does this mean your Angelina Jolie's dad....?

Cat. said...

Er.... "your" = "you're"

Too early for coherence I guess.

sassinak said...

two questions... what colour are the boots? cause i like to know these things :)

and why is it weird to wear your grandfather's hat? i wear my grandmother's ring and my father's old hunting hat and and and... it's called continuity.

and i never talk about any man i'm taking seriously in my blog, not until i know what's happening... flings and near-misses are absolute blog fodder though :)

(and i'm glad you're good hunee)

EsotericWombat said...

I might just have to take this one up.

That is exactly what I think of texting.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Cat:
Lol, one day I'll post my Jalapeno Salmon Salad recipe... :)

Oh wow...forgot about Jolie...

Oh lord...now I'm having guilty thoughts about some of the rather, er, interesting dreams I've have about Mrs. Pitt...not as her dad ;)


Sass:
Let's see...wearing them today...

Looks like turquoise uppers and light tan lower leathers


Wombat:
Lol...yeah, it's pretty entertaining to just mess with the standard meme format. Get creative...

As for texting, well, I've been in debates with people who think its generational, but...I think its a matter of preference, really.

zydeco fish said...

"I don't know what's more pathetic - the fact that you actually admit to having a blog, or the fact that I've read it."

That's the funniest thing I've read recently, aside from "Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary."

I might do this meme, if I can think of answers.

pia said...

Jason, when I have to Google myself to find a post because damn if I could find one any other way, I find myself ridiculed etc. It's almost enough to make a girl give up blogging--which I had as bowling

All my friends hate it, and have made it clear they don't want to be in it as my sister and family doesn't

So I have to cleverly disguise people, and not tell stories about men i meet because I either want to see them again--even if they don't know about the blog, they find it--NY's a small town in disguise--or I don't want to see them again and won't write about them except if they particulary obnoxious, because I find it sad

And I usually end up telling because I do

What's a girl going to do?

coper said...

Way to do a meme.

Jason you do exhaust with your posts, where the energy comes from I have no idea.
Probably those boots.

Text messaging - I am not of these times, I detest it and since I bought a new phone I rarely answer them and they pile up miserably in some far away text message hell.

I'm going to have to come back and catch up on your last few post they seem all consuming.

Cat. said...

J--Salmon with jalapenos? Mmmm...must be that fish-and-cats "thing." As for Angie, I hate to say it but she might actually not care about those dreams...nevermind, I just can't go there.

Z. Fish--Presumably, you are not referring to me and my diary? ;-)

zydeco fish said...

cat: if that was written by you, you are very funny. BTW, I did this meme. First meme in ages.

Hey, check out my word verification word: "upmls" - Up MLS! crazy.

zydeco fish said...

cat: if that was written by you, you are very funny. BTW, I did this meme. First meme in ages.

Hey, check out my word verification word: "upmls" - Up MLS! crazy.

The ZenFo Pro said...

ZF:
Lol, yeah...funny...sad but true. What's funny is there are folks locally who could, if they wanted, put together much better blogs than this one, with stories that could tear the roof down. The guy who I stole the quote from is one of those people. He's also probably ten times the writer I'll ever be.

Yeah, aren't memes just a good break from it all, every once and a while? :)

Pia:
Oh thank God I'm not the only one! Seriously, you don't know how much that means to me. Its so funny, actually, that I made friends locally THROUGH this damned thing, quite a few who, well, got a kick out of the inside jokes and the fact that, well, turning up here is apparently so much more voyeuristic than things like MySpace and Facebook. Its also funny how, well, people tend to forget, after getting to know me, that I'm just a single guy in his late 20s trying to get through life, documenting my lil part of it.

What's a girl to do? Well, keep fucking writing, chica! I'm really starting to learn that it's better to blog about lives lived than to never have blogged a life at all.

Er...no clue what that means, really. Five Cuervo and Cranberries in the past six hours. :)

"Coper" AKA Sick Girl Who Shouldn't Be Reading While Recovering:
Lol, not really of these times either, chica.

Err..are you SURE you want to come back and read?

Lol...I really need to not respond to comments while slightly intoxicated.

Hope you're feeling better :)

Cat:
Lol, you might be interested to know that I found out earlier today that I'm not the only librarian here in Oxford with a weird salmon fetish lately. Seems to be hormonal :)

sassinak said...

dude what else are people supposed to do when they're sick but blog and sneeze?

Jessica said...

I'm glad that you saw that I tagged you (wow, that's a suck-ass sentence).
-jessica

The ZenFo Pro said...

Sass:
Lol, it might make you feel slightly vindicated to know that I ended up catching dear Cooper's cold through some act of retribution of the Blog Gods :)

Jessica:
Lol, hey, no problem. Haven't done one of these suckers in a long time :)