Thursday, March 30, 2006

Libraries, Panties, and The Act of Being Too Tired to Give a Shit

Libraries can be strange places at night.

After a late-night event, I swing by my office to drop off some things.

I run into a girl in the elevator. Very intoxicated college student. Cute girl, but obviously headed for postgraduate study at the Betty Ford Clinic.

I ask her which floor she needs. She tells me she can't remember.

Girl's been sitting in the elevator for God knows how long. I pick the second floor (my floor), explaining that it has comfortable couches to sleep off hangovers.

She says thanks. On the way up, she tells me she's feeling hot and sleepy. Without saying another word, she lifts her skirt and takes off her underwear. She picks them up, puts them in her purse, and staggers out of the elevator doors.

She lets loose a rather loud fart on her way out.

As I left, I notice she'd passed out on a couch, spread-eagle and snoring.

Walk by...and she lets another loud fart rip.

I try not to look. Not looking.

Fuck, not laughing. Don't look. Don't laugh. Should call the police. Should tell a night supervisor.

Fuck, don't look. You're gonna laugh, dude.

I can't stop laughing and I'm home now, dammit.

Welcome to Oxford Fucking Ohio.

11 comments:

cooper said...

Beans and beer just do not go well together.

KFigment said...

hmmm..... drunk spread eagle. I know someone like that. I looked and laughed!!!!! ;)

Anonymous said...

OMG! I know you!I can't believe I've never been able to figure it out until now. Duh. You gave me a tour of construction like two weeks ago. Thanks for the tour, BTW.

My roommate and I were in the library last night and saw pussy girl. That's what we call her.Why were you in the library so late? And dressed up?

I sent you an e-mail to your work account to ask a favor. My sorority is planning a date auction and i think you might bring in money. its for a good cause :)

Later!

K.

Cowgirl said...

Stories like this make me miss college life.

Never a dull moment.

Bob Patterson said...

I'm sorry I was out in drag at Oxford bar hop'n and sampling Mexican food. Next time I promise to wear a thong and lay off the vodka.

Faithfully yours,

Bob

Let said...

OMG, I think I know you too.

What color were the panties?

Voodoo Child said...

last time we saw a pair of panties (not on) in the library, they were being paraded around like a trophy by a few pre-teen boys.

they came in with them, but didn't leave with them.

we haven't found them yet.

this was a month ago.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Cooper:
I already e-mailed you, but thanks for sending me back into a fit of juvenile laughter again :)


Kfig:
Ya, but I was drunk and sick off beer brats and tequila and...

um...

Backing away from this one slowly...


Kate/Anon:
Ya know, you can just put your name in...under "choose an identity", choose other...

Thanks for the offer. Debating it. Best I can do right now, but I'll let you know.

Cowgirl:
Lol, being a librarian in a tiny college town is a bit like being stuck in college. I keep getting flashbacks, dammit ;)


Bob:
You just topped Alice for the fart joke of the commenters, man.

That is a horrible visual.


Let:
Lol. Black.

VC:
Lol, that's damned disturbing. I know several libraries have the occasional freak of the week perv, but ...

Where the hell do boys hide panties in a library???

If you have Union Catalogs floating around, I'd check there. No one uses those damned thing for anything other than decoration :)

kristy said...

Aw, some people get to have all the fun!

Let said...

Where were all these fun people when I was in school? Apparently I was a nerd magnet.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Kristy:
Fun?!? Lol...

Let:
Hey, I was one of those people in college...even in grad school. But some of the Miami students...well, they take the cake.