Monday, October 03, 2005

Coming Out of the Martian Closet:
Battlestar Galactica and Hair Products


Grace Park (above) plays Boomer, a Cylon clone who has infiltrated the Colonial fleet.

One part of me felt like a kid in a candy store. The other part of me felt as embarrassed as a preacher buying condoms at the gas station.

I stood in line, copy of the Battlestar Galactica Season 1 DVD set in one hand, hair pomade and a bottle of nice smelling bodywash in the other.

I'm not sure which is more humbling - feeling like some metrosexual poseur for buying overpriced pomade and bodywash or feeling like a complete sci-fi dork for blowing my entertainment budget for the week on a television show.

Then I noticed this group of high school girls staring at me...and giggling.

Actually, I think they noticed my sudden awkwardness at being caught in the middle of a totally dyslexic shopping trip, my weird little secret universe exposed to the world.

When I was in high school, I was a two-time letter winner in track. I could leg-press 1900 pounds. I played in a couple of bands, did the whole "rebel-without-a-clue" thing, got into fights, threw wild parties, and was captain of my school's forensics and academic teams. As much as I fought it, I ended up being considered one of the "popular" kiddies. Then I went to college, drank and snorted and smoked myself into near chemical retardation. I had a hard time understanding concepts like "commitment," "long-term relationship," and "some girls are too dangerous to fool around with." I hit my early 20s and got a job as a sportscaster. And then, I switched careers and became a librarian.

I love Sci-Fi and horror flicks. I don't know why. I could offer some kind of heady explanation, maybe some self-analysis. Truth is, I can't explain something that's always been a part of my life. I grew up on a steady diet of late-night horror marathons, straight-to-video cheese, and reruns of Star Trek, Buck Rogers, The Outer Limits, and the Twilight Zone. I even watched the original Battlestar Galactica. And I'm totally addicted to the new series.

Dammit. I can't believe I allowed myself to get caught buying Ax Bodywash and hair pomade. Can't they put this stuff in brown paper wrappers???


Anonymous said...

Well, look at it this way, dude.

At least you weren't buying condoms at the same time.


Anonymous said...

omg! I was just reading this in my ENG 112 class and almost burst out laughing! I watched battlestar galactica last semester with my boyfriends roommates while he was at work. you're right too...the girl in the photo is so much more hotter than paris hilton.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Hey, just part of getting old, I guess. At least they didn't catch me with a Viagra prescription and Grecian Formula hair coloring ;-)

ENG 112? You blew off your first-year class to read a blog?!? I guess I should lecture you about academic responsibility, but hey, I think that's just keen. Thanks for the BSG props...Grace Park is pretty frigging hot.

Anonymous said...

Yeah ... her and Jamie-Lynn DiScala (Sopranos).

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream, Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam ...

Dammit. Why does that song always come into my head whilst fantasizing ... ?


Although I must say it is a pretty great song ... Everly Brothers rocked.