Saturday, July 23, 2005

OXFORD CONFIDENTIAL:

When Exes Attack!

I have quite a few exes. Not ex-girlfriends. Just generic, quick-fling exes.

At one point in my life, friends of mine gave me nicknames like "Dog Juan" and "Hootchie Magnet."

I was a womanizer back in those days. Yup, I'll go ahead and get that out of the way. I'm not proud of it. Nor am I ashamed of it anymore. Its part of my past, a part that made me. But because of my youthful indiscretion, I carried around a lot of guilt. I felt like a user, a manipulator, and a player. Then someone pointed out that, odds were, I'd probably been used, manipulated, and played more times than I'd been willing to admit to myself.

The big regret I carry with me is never taking the time to ask about husbands, boyfriends, partners, etc. To this day, I've spent more time as the "other man" than I have as a boyfriend, fiancee, or lover.

Oh well. Can't change the past. Can only work towards a better future.

Anyway, I got caught online last night by someone I really, really didn't want to talk to. But it ended up being so damned funny and insane, I decided to repost it, minus real names, user IDs, and most locations, to maintain some level of civility and decency.

For friends who regularly IM me, no worries, I won't post private conversations or information. But normally, this person would've been BLOCKED on my IM; I guess I forgot to block all her aliases as well. Haven't heard from this person since 2001, figured I was pretty safe.

Guess not.

[ID REMOVED] :Hey...
[ID REMOVED]:Whazzup baby!
[ID REMOVED]: I saw XXXX the other day...said you were back in Cali a while ago?
[ID REMOVED]: Why didn't you call? I was up at Mom's in XXXXXX

JWAYNEJACK: Hey

JWAYNEJACK: Who is this?
JWAYNEJACK: Oh...hey...LOL...how's tricks in Seattle?
[ID REMOVED]: Not good.
[ID REMOVED]: Just left my fiance, cheating peice of shit
JWAYNEJACK: You were engaged?!? When did that happen?!?
[ID REMOVED]: LOL...yup, to [John Doe].
JWAYNEJACK: You guys were still together? I thought...ummm ...he dumped you because of you and I's thing
[ID REMOVED]: Yeah he took me back. He still wants to kick your ass though
JWAYNEJACK:Understandable. U didnt tell me you had a boyfriend at the time
[ID REMOVED]: LOL...I didn't tell you I had a boyfriend because [John] and I were just seeing each other.
[ID REMOVED]: I was hooking up with you because I wanted you too.
[ID REMOVED]: BTW, got my boobs done finally...34C now...nose is next
JWAYNEJACK: Wait...who paid for it?
[ID REMOVED]: My step-dad.
JWAYNEJACK: Your step-dad?!? That's kind of sick, don't u think?
[ID REMOVED]: Christmas gift
[ID REMOVED]: I was up to
119 for a while and Mom said I looked puffy
[ID REMOVED]: Do u remember out at Los Osos after [certain professor]'s class?
[ID REMOVED]: U were really like so much better than [John]
[ID REMOVED]: I would've left him but I needed someone like me
JWAYNEJACK: Someone like you?
[ID REMOVED]: You know what i mean
JWAYNEJACK: Chica, no fucking clue
[ID REMOVED]: Someone who cares about making a good life and not so passionate or political plus I think you have monotony issues

JWAYNEJACK: LOL...guess [John] didn't care about those things huh?
JWAYNEJACK: Yeah. MONOTONY issues, definitely...LMAO!
[ID REMOVED]: ??? What's so funny. I dont get it. Its a serious problem. Women don't want to be with guys who are can't be monotonous
JWAYNEJACK: Really? I'll work on that.
[ID REMOVED]: Anyway...just saying hi. I'm single again.
[ID REMOVED]: It really sucks to dump a guy like John but he was sleeping with this cashier.You know he was going to leave me? For Little Miss Artist. His parents will kill him when they find out i'm gone. they love me I told him that he never got me off like you and [NAME REMOVED] did. Anyway he didn't care so i gave the ring back
JWAYNEJACK: I'm sure his family will be devastated.
JWAYNEJACK: Hey. I'm washing my hair. Gotta go.
[ID REMOVED]: K. Keep it real! Ciao

JWAYNEJACK: Yeah...bye...later





Yeah. The washing my hair excuse was pretty lame, but I was laughing to damn hard over the monotony thread.

I've since blocked this alias as well from my IM. I figure, as devastating as it is, I think I can go the rest of my life without ever dealing with this person again and still die happy.

And completely unashamed of lack of monotony.

13 comments:

Beth said...

Holy shit! I can't breathe...laughing too hard.

Please don't date women like this. Ever again, papi.

Anonymous said...

I agree. No more shallow pieces of garbage.

Anonymous said...

Womanizing? Jason, you're one of the least womanizing guys I've ever been with. I'm glad you let that guilt go. Can't make excuses forever or keep thinking you're some evil guy.

--Some girl from Poly You once knew :)

Chewie said...

well my man you have come a ling way from dog juan.. i should know i gave you that nickname in '97 :)

but you have every reason to stand up proud because who you are now is a ownderful person.. and i will always respect you.. past, present, and future

chewie

Ms. Monkeythong said...

Egads. I'd always heard about women like that, but I thought they were like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster...

G said...

I guess if all else, it means those of us who are montonous (most guys) but struggle to be monogamous (most guys) have nothing to worry about on the dating scene. Excellent ...

Ms. Jen said...

Didn't the last girl you were seeing-what's her name, that Danielle chick- didn't you tell me she say something like "she needed someone like her" too but then wanted to keep you on the side?

I've played my fair share of men (and women), but its something I always feel bad about afterwords. Not for me but for the other person and how i treated them. I hope I've grown past that.

I've dealt with them professionally and personally and I have no sympathy left for there sorry asses. If someone's a fling, tell them their a fling and you don't want anything more. Don't be assholes about it and manipulate people.

And I TOTALLY AGREE with Anon. You may have been a "womanizer" in the past, but you are such a gentleman - old school chivalrous Age of Enlightenment kind of shit. And that's really cool and charming.

That's too fucking funny. I hate my own gender sometimes. I really do.

What kind of woman IMs an ex-lover right after dumping her fiance?

I'm sorry, but girls who live in such shallow little worlds as to think men are just sex toys should be deported, maybe shot.

Jen

Dark Mistress said...

Life is pain and sorrow. This girl probably just felt lonly and wanted someoneto telll her life was going to be okay. i think its too harshe to judge someone as a skank because theywant someone like them and want to feel special. every girlrealy wants that if their honest with themself.

Kara said...

Jason, after laughing a whole lot, I really do feel sorry that people actually think that way. It is sad that she thinks so little of her worth and others'.

As for you, well, there is no question....you have grown to be a real, quality man who treats women with more respect than most guys I have ever met! That is what makes you more than just your past and it's something that most people can't say.

Thank you for being you, lack of monotony and all;)

LibraryTavern Liz said...

ok, the monotony thing is pretty funny ...

... as for the womanizing thing, I think that word doesn't mean anything. What the hell is it supposed to mean? A fling is a fling. If one of the fling-ers pretends it's not a fling when they truly mean it as a fling, that person is a liar and probably an asshole, but the term womanizer would seem to imply that the man turns the woman into a woman. That's odd. And I have never heard a woman called a manizer. It's all just sexist.

The ZenFo Pro said...

The womanizer thing is, well, sexist by nature. But there's really no other way to describe how I behaved and acted in those days. Man-Whore would've sounded equally silly :-) Hope I didn't offend anybody with my choice of words.

The sad thing I think is a guy who gets passed around like a collection plate is somehow socially acceptable. According to society, that's what guys are supposed to do - and I bought into that hook, line, and sinker for too long.

Like the old feminist cry of I am more than my Vagina , I have come to accept that I am more than just my penis .
The hard part is I'm not the type of person that has ever liked quick flings. Took me forever to realize I've never been the one with the monogomy problem.

Half the time, I just let my tendency to just be impulsive and not think about the ramifications of my actions get in the way of some fairly common sense and decent boundaries.

I've always had a hard time listening to that voice in the back of my head going "Dude, this person leaves your bed and goes home to guys like John Doe. Is this the best thing for you?"

Anonymous said...

A former fellow Marine shipped this my way to cheer me up while I'm deployed. Got ya bookmarked on the ol' laptop now.
The post on Liberia was amazing too. Regardless of opinions on what we're doing over here, I'dlike to think most of us really believe we'll make the world a better place.
This is so funny and sad! I have exes just like this, man.
They come right out of nowhere.
And I hear ya, brother, about feeling like the other man all the time. I was married for four months before I realized my wife had a husband, her best friend for a plaything, and some other guy off base. its the not about the sex - its about the dishonesty and lying.
Saw you lived in Farmville...hey I went to Central over in Victoria. U didn't happen to throw shotput for PE did you?

Gunny

Mexicana 1 said...

I am more than just my penis.

Yes you are. And don't foget that.