Saturday, December 23, 2006

CALIFORNIA CONFIDENTIAL:
If Santa Even Thinks of Giving Me a Prince Albert This Year, I'm Putting That Jolly Elf Bastard on a Milk Carton

SAN LUIS OBISPO COUNTY, Calif. (ZP) -- Some folks love all of that White Christmas jazz, the cold snowflakes and freakish blizzards, the legends of creepy fat men in red jumpsuits who climb down chimneys while reindeer freeze atop some icy, Eastern American rooftop.

Um... yeah.

Those folks can keep it.

Nothing beats a California Christmas.

* * * *

The old ZenFo Pro stomping ground, this part of the Golden State, is a land where the daytime temperature almost always hovers in the 50s and 60s during the winter, Norteno radio stations blare peppy versions of Mexican carols, and there's more than enough avocados in the kitchen to make a decent guacamole for Christmas Eve.

Yes. I said guacamole. I'm hoping my sister whips up some of her special recipe this year. Goes great with the ham.

* * * *

While shopping down in the city of San Luis Obispo (aerial shot, above) this weekend, I watched as a happy couple - a man and woman, each sporting sleeves of tattoos - loaded their holiday gifts into a low-riding Ford pickup.

Wetsuits, surfboards, rock climbing gear, a giant statue of the Buddha, books, and a bag of CDs from Boo Boo Records.

* * * *

I talked with a lovely gay couple at a strip mall in nearby Atascadero about their quest for the perfect gift for their adopted child. I recommended the Legos. Every kid loves Legos, and they tend to brighten up any family blessed with smart little boys.

(If you're one of those high-and-mighty religious folks who somehow thinks two gay people in a committed relationship shouldn't be allowed to raise children or believe that they have no right to call their unit a family, don't bother leaving a comment. But, please, feel free to go suck the shit out of the nearest septic tank.)

* * * *

A young woman outside a surf/skate shop here in Paso Robles told me that, yes, getting her nipple pierced hurt like hell, but nowhere near as much as getting her clit done - a Christmas gift from her mother.

I spent 30 minutes talking to a woman about her Yuletide genital modification two days before Christmas.

Total stranger. And she wished me a happy holidays, too.

Sweet.

Nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing, beats a California Christmas.

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14 comments:

G said...

Hey Happy Holidays Zenfo. Guacomole? Mmmm, sounds good. By the way, that's what my brawl topic was at Sar's a couple of months back - exactly what constitutes a family. I wish more children could be raised by loving couples - whether they be gay, straight or actually single. We are paying for the ramifications of the lack of love in our society right now.

Anyway, Happy Holidays to you. ~ G

Cat. said...

eHave a very merry, ZFP. Nothing beats getting out of the midwest for Xmas.

Naomi said...

Happy Holidays to my favorite librarian. :)

deb s. said...

Christmas in Cali? Whoa! Enjoy!

HuneeB said...

*smiles* oh so close to me (barely a hop skip and a jump!) :) I love Cali holidays too! How long you staying?

weirsdo said...

Thanks for the gift tip. I never would have thought of genital modification. Now if I can just come up with an appropriate recipient.
Happy New Year.

TR said...

merry xmas jason. sorry I couldn't come up to visit ya in SLO. maybe we could've like gotten drunk in a hotel or something.

fucking denver airports. fucking snowstorms.fucking airport closing snowstorms.

kisses and safe sex to all :-)

Chewie said...

hope you had a fine holiday and send my love to your family... i will never be able to repay the kindness they showed me back in '00 take care and dont be a stranger

Miz BoheMia said...

FO SHO! Next time come on over and have yourself a sample of a SF one! SWEET FO SHO! *sigh*

Hope you had a fabulous Christmas amigo mio and may your New year be simply amazing!

Besos!

Smurf said...

What a beautiful picture. I am happy you had a great Christmas. Mine sucked... lol... I never felt more divorced than I did this holiday. The kids had fun and I am happy for that... but seeing my ex, I remembered why we got divorced.

sassinak said...

um i like prince alberts...

and guac is great any freaking time, that food is from the gods.

as for the gay couple? i could not have said it better myself. and i still like legos...

um... FROM HER MOTHER??

dayumm

*note to self: spend christmas in cali sometime*

[this may have posted thrice, apologies for blogger]

xmichra said...

lol.. you attract the strangest conversations!

Maerry christmas Zenfo :)

Jess said...

happy holidays :-)

Angel, librarian and educator said...

Hey, catching up on feeds after holiday break. Have to agree with g up there, I wish as well more children were raised by loving couples. How I wish we got to that day when one said loving couple without having to modify it somehow (gay or straight or whatever), just a loving and committed couple. And hey, you can never go wrong with Legos when it comes to a gift.

A happy New Year 2007.

Best, and keep on blogging.