Sunday, January 22, 2006

A Very Special Zenformation Mail:
Time To Vent a Bit

Yeah...better just get this out of the way now before I really write something harsh.

Thanks to several of my fellow bloggers and colleagues for actually e-mailing constructive observations and comments.



If you thought these posts were really about bragging about my getting laid, well, you missed the whole point. I'd hate to sound arrogant here, but unless you can quote Whitman with an accent, enjoy reading poetry in the tub, can appreciate both the Ramones and Johnny Cash, list Shaun of the Dead as one of your favorite movies, and understand that foreplay is something meant to last hours not minutes, please don't send me another goddamned e-mail asking me to show you what a Cassanova kiss is.

I appreciate the offers, but Lord, I really am quite picky. And while this might sound totally chauvinistic to some, I prefer lovers who don't break easily and who understand that a good conversation, a deeper appreciation of beauty, intelligence, and mutual respect is what defines great sex.

Simply put, don't ask for any ZenFo Pro lovin' unless you're smarter and more compassionate than the average bear. Welcome to the Information Age. Smart IS the new sexy. Yes, I am single. Yes, I had a fling. No, it's not a regular thing.

I've also received several e-mails in the last few weeks from Oxford/Cincinnati/Dayton males wishing to share stories of their sexual exploits with the World Wide Web, please feel free to start your own blog or leave it on FaceBook. If you really think I've got time to go through stories about how you "did" this girl in your dorm, or you once pulled a train on your frat brother's girl, well, I'm sorry to disappoint you.

If you're the guy who felt the need to call me a "pussy," for actually documenting the doubts, self-reflection, and emotions that some people actually put into these sorts of things, well, have it your way. No skin off my back. I honestly could give a rat's ass what you think, because it was immediately obvious to me by the oversexed content of your e-mail that you have no frigging clue about what any woman wants. At least I asked, dude. What's your excuse?


Anonymous said...

Hmmm, looks like we both got torqued off about stupid sexual attitudes this weekend.

Good people are like jewels in the mud. You are a jewel.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

ha ha
you should see my nasty emails. Well actually I only got four or five but still. lol

Yes zenpro you are a jewel and had you been sitting on my sidebar for a longer period of time you would have surely made my list.

Damn I 've never seen that monkey picture before. lol

The ZenFo Pro said...

Lord, what the hell is going on lately. lol...I had to edit out the "My penis? Your vagina? Not happening." line. I could give a shit this morning, however ;)

Yeah, but you're hot girl/big city blogger...

What set me off was getting an IM offering a bed to sleep in while I'm sitting in a coffee shop Friday night reading World Summit on the Information Society documents from a conference in Tunisia I was unable to attend. From somebody, apparently sitting in the same packed coffee shop. Do you really think I'm thinking about sex when I'm reading UN documents? At least come up and say hi. Or start off with something other than "I think ur hot." What the hell am I supposed to do? IM back, send emoticons, and then we can go back to your place and lay in bed with our laptops? Jeezus!

Oh, don't sweat the RILF awarding. I haven't posted mine, because, well, I can't narrow it down to just five ;)

Anonymous said...

Hear you, dude. There's no problem with honesty ... to those who call someone a pussy for asking honest questions, let me ask them ... why the fuck are they so afraid to ask those questions themselves?

I think we know why.

Peace, bro.

- G

Anonymous said...


Laugh Of The Day


Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

lol. that im in the coffee shop is exactly like high school Jason you go to get out of that place

if it's the last t hing you ever doo doo

I won't sing anymore I'm hoarse.

Miz BoheMia said...

I love a good rant and this one is at the top of the list o' rants. Good to meet men with integrity and a connection to their truth. Don't mean to sound corny but.... hey, it happens...

I have been "reading" you over at Alice's and Leigh's and thought I would pop in for a hello. I like your place and I love the strength of your writing... Come by and say hi someday but be warned... it is a bit... different.

Miz BoheMia said...

I finally read all the posts associated with your rant. I had to do it in spurts since I have two small, shrieking kids, and in-laws that won't go away...

Hmmm... you seem so concerned about what may be said about you, about upholding a certain image in the town you live in. I am new here, but from the read and your writing, you seem to be a guy with a good head on your shoulders. You should let go more often.

I think your fling was great. Picking up a hitchhiker can be dangerous etc.... yes, but the fling in and of itself, good for you. Follow your gut and be the reasons what they may remember this, it was consensual! She wanted it as much as you. She knew what she was doing and getting into as much as you. You didn't do all the decision making or take advantage of her. And if you did she did it to you too. It was a two-way street.

Emotionally it looks like it caused some form of soul-searching, it answered some questions and perhaps raised others. Life... all about growing and growing, man it can be a bitch!

It was an amazing read, a great piece of introspection and one heck of an adventure! I am glad you embraced it!

Just thought I would give my two-cents worth! Be well,

Miz B.

zydeco fish said...

Well said. By the way, I swear you are the best writer in blogland.

SeizeTheNite said...

I'm I only one that finds it a little creepy that other men are writing you to tell you about their sexual exploits?

Seems to me if they were really having that much fun, they'd be off somewhere with a Ugg boot wearing, My Chemical Romance listening, 19 year old instead of writing letters to other men on the internet.

But since I lack a penis, I guess I'm not much of an expert...

The ZenFo Pro said...

Thanks for the assist there, man. And the laugh.

Were a bit of the sauce...when you posted? [Joking of course, hon.]

Lol...Uptown Oxford, for those uninterested in wandering past the drunken masses, ends up offering very few alternative. The coffee shop, Kofenya, is actually a favorite spot of mine,because they'r the only place within about 60 miles to serve fairly traded coffee.

I'll just deal with it. I think the folks who thought this was just some silly facebook thing have finally got the message.

Miz B:
Hey chica! Thanks for stopping by. And the compliments. I've stopped by a couple of times, and I don't know why I never added you to my blogroll.

BTW...ain't nothing wrong with different. Love the Squirting breast milk banner :)

Hey dude, thanks.

Seize the Nite:

Somes it up nicely...despite the lack of a penis ;)