Saturday, October 29, 2005

Dear George - Tough Shit, Dude.
Maybe God's Trying to Tell You Something?

- Dramatic Music to Accompany the Following Post -
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (1997 Fat Wreck)

Dear George:

In all honesty, I really feel your pain, man. Seriously.

Poor guy. You've had such a horrible October.

First, your crony...er...pick for the nation's highest court is sent packing, forced to withdraw her name from contention because, well, its easier to find Waldo than anything on Harriet Mier's judical record. (George, my man, I know you're not down with the whole "activist judge" thing, but would you mind picking somebody who's at least been, well, active?)

Then, Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney's personal Defibrillator gopher...er...chief of staff, goes and gets indicted by a Grand Jury for some silly old thing.

Tell Scooter to keep his chin up, especially if he turns out to be guilty in a court of law. I mean, there are lots of high-profile public officials who betray their country for political gains. Just look at Benedict Arnold. He's remembered fondly for revealing classified information, right? He even became the highest-ranking Continental Army officer to be decorated by the British for his service to the Crown during the American Revolution.

That's something, right? I'm sure North Korea, Iran, and those other Axis of Evil guys are ready and willing to accept any help your political buddies are willing to give them.

And Karl Rove could be next, man. That worries me. Who's going to tell you its all some crazy Liberal Conspiracy when he's gone? And who's going to hold your hand when those crazy mothers who lost their kids in Iraq want to ask questions?

What about the your fellow Texan, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay? Poor guy. I mean, who knew there were that many crooks in the Lone Star State? The nerve of all these crazy campaign contributors...preying on poor ol' Tommy Boy by shoving $100s down his political trousers.

DeLay arrested, Harriet Miers sent back to obscurity, and some guy named Scooter facing criminal prosecution.

So here's to you, George. Hope you feel better. Watch some football. Just keep away from that briefcase that Marine's carrying, man. Please don't try to punt that football.

Your domestic policy agenda has now achieved all the forward movement of a constipated truck driver.

Sorry dude. Maybe you could pray for God to give you another country to invade. Or maybe God's trying to tell you something. I don't know...just an idea.

Have a nice weekend, George.

Much love,
The ZenFo Pro

2 comments:

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

You just got put on their short list Zenpro.

The ZenFo Pro said...

So that explains why there are 10,000 lobbyist ninjas storming my office ;)