Monday, October 27, 2008

THE OXFORD (FUCKING OHIO)
DICTIONARY OF QUOTATIONS:
Of Voter Choice, Crab Fries, Murder Rap, and Staring at a Woman's Nests in Private



"God gave Americans two middle fingers to put up because, well, dammit, he knew our crooks would give us two political parties ."

- VERY WISE OLD MAN,
Oxford, Ohio
While I will not endorse any presidential candidate, I will say that this one quote is the reason that I'm voting my conscience this year.

And if you're one of those people who thinks there are only two people running for ol' POTUS, well, you're going to be extremely disappointed.

Quite frankly, the politicos can go fuck their Battleground State shit because I'm tired of stepping over their corpses, their shattered homes and livelihoods and worthless promises. And actually, I'm looking forward to extending my own double-barreled, one-fingered salutes to the minions of The Party (Why give the same corporate product packaged two ways different names?) as I exit the polling station.

Your party? Your problem. Not my bag of worms. But please, if you're able to vote, vote for who you believe in - not who you think looks best on TV, has the prettiest posters, or who's got a MILF for a running mate. And, Jesus Fucking Christ, ignore all that political insider blog chatter - it's just background static put up mostly by biased viral marketers meant to get you, the voter, to conform, obey, submit.

* * * *
" Never regard something as doing you good if it makes you betray a trust or lose your sense of shame or makes you show hatred, suspicion, ill-will or hypocrisy or a desire for things best done behind closed doors."

MARCUS AURELIUS (121-180 ACE),
The Meditations, III. 7, Hays trans.
Yep, another very wise (albeit long dead) war veteran who influences nearly every ballot I cast. Always blows my fucking mind how fortunate I was, as a child, to have my grandparents' library.

* * * *
"There are two things the wise man must never do in a college bar - one, don't ever let your friends catch you making out with married hairdressers from Kentucky, and, two, never challenge do Irish Car Bombs with those guys."

- THE ZENFO PRO,
Who is not a wise man
* * * *
"Dude, unless you've got tortillas, organic eggs, and some decent chorizo, I ain't getting out of this bed in this hella FREEZING apartment to fix your pinche ass breakfast. "

- PETTY DEL ÁTICO,
Sunday House Guest
You know, it's been years since I've heard a woman holler the words Dude, chorizo, hella, and pinche at me, all in the same breath, from beneath a ball-shaped mass of my pillows, blankets, sheets, and, yes, even the horse blanket.

I used to think it was just a Latina thing. Now, years after I first noted the Night Owl Nester phenomenon, I'm convinced there's some secret international women's organization that regulates such behavior. Hey, not my fault you almost missed your AFTERNOON flight, chica.

* * * *
"I wouldn't say you're sketchy. No... you're too weird to be sketchy."

- BETTY BADSHROOM,
22, Local U. undergrad,

at an Uptown Oxford bar.
* * * *
"You listen to... oh my god...these murder rap guys are, like, rapping about shooting, Oh my God, people! Like, don't you ever listen to, like, John Lennon?"

- A VERY DRUNK BLOG READER,
As I was once again played Designated Driver
(And she was too drunk to remember)
Well, no. I mean, after all, John Lennon's dead. Murdered. A wealthy British ex-pat who was shot, actually, by a true American Psycho in the streets of New York, one of the deadliest "civilized" cities in the world during the 1980s, because the shooter had voices in his head tell him to do it.

Those rap guys just document what guys like Lennon never seem to get - the world's a fucked up place, and, sure, while "Give Peace a chance" sells a lot of records to middle-class kids, it's a tired remnant of a dead, overplayed, mostly white collegiate 1960s counterculture, about as relevant to people from working-poor backgrounds, especially those who live in mostly urban areas in fear of things like police cutbacks, cuts to social services and after-school programs, drug wars, and drive-bys, as - no pun intended - a fucking hole in the head.

Besides, I just dig Celph Titled and Jedi Mind Tricks more than I dig the Beatles. Especially after midnight. I'm a bit of a Johnny Cash at dawn to rockabilly by lunch to hardcore hip-hop by dusk sorta guy, really.

* * * *
"Seriously, I feel like a Pilgrim that was just shown how to make popcorn by the natives for the first time. Why did no one ever tell me about these Crab Fries before?"

Most. Entertaining. Sports. Blog. Ever.

Seriously, even if you're not a baseball fan, these guys are just too good at finding the stories that really matter to the online fans of America's Pastime.

- # # # -


17 comments:

Cooper said...

You live in a very entertaining town from what I can see. I'd have to drudge for any quotes worth quoting.

Good for you for voting your conscience.

I assume most people vote their conscience. Unlike a good part of society, including I suspect you Jason, I'm not one of the people who believe others are more susceptible to baseless persuasion, or to the madness of the moment.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Coop:

Oh, there's good quotes everywhere. These were actually my fall-back quotes after I accidentally laundered my "reporter's notes" (i.e. bar napkins) Sunday morning. Actually, Oxford's generally boring as fuck, most of the time - but I had some pretty good ones saved up...alas...

Unlike a good part of society, including I suspect you Jason, I'm not one of the people who believe others are more susceptible to baseless persuasion, or to the madness of the moment.

Hahaha, that's just funny. So, ah, how many more "baseless persuasion" photos and "Women for..." avatars are ya gonna put on your blog, anyway? ;P

We're all not just susceptible - we're blind, most of the time, to the fact that we're also active players. Which is why I INTENTIONALLY don't blog about politics, use names other than Fucker or Douchebag - why play into the Cyberpoliticking culture an namedrop?

And OMG, did you really compare a politician's campaign to Woody Guthrie? A guy whose campaign shits more ad dollars when he's - GASP! - called a socialist, to an actual socialist songwriter who never had a "war chest" or "rock star support?"

Information - quality information, not quantity - is the key. And knowing when to believe and when to be a critic and skeptic, which should be 90% of the time if you're non-religious.

Raj Dilla said...

yo u swapped out the sandburg for the brother Malcolm one. Fucking off tha hook shit.

yea sorry you won't be voting for my girl McKinney (again, mad props for voting your mind mos def kid) but yea fuck that change/hope bullshit - only change those cats is down with is what they stealing from working class people.

And I ain't the only Black Man who's saying no to The Puppet just so we get our first black president.

Shayna said...

Weighing the candidates... I voted for who I thought was best for me and my children. I honestly think that a persons actions and presence says a lot about a person... around here the "rally's" for the Republicans has been down right scary and makes me think back to what I have seen on TV regarding the 60's. I honestly don't care if Obama was purple... I know I voted right for me... not for his skin color. I know that if I voted McCain/Palin I would have never been able to live with myself... because I believe in nothing they stand for. And Palin scares the shit out of me with so much closed mindedness.

I hate talking politics because it gets me all vicious.

Hope this finds you doing great!

MonkeyDrunk said...

Thought Politics weren't aloud on the sight for the spokes man of the pink bunny!

The ZenFo Pro said...

Raj:

Well, dude, occasionally I do take requests. Yep, couldn't bring myself to vote for your girl any more than I could for The Party guys. I have my reasons...

And, actually, you're right - I think African-American men have been put in a worse situation - at least speaking out wise - this election cycle. I chatted with a old black dude out in Indiana a few weekends ago who's voting for the Old One - hey, his choice - who had some white college-age cat question his blackness. WTF?

Oh well, fuck politics and its evil spawn. I like the Malcolm X poster better myself.

Shayna:
Yep, sounds about the same as up here - save both parties are playing downright evil, with rumors about everything from ACORN to voter intimidation to downright petty race-baiting.

I think, well, about half of the roughly 50% of us who regularly vote (even those who abstain from the presidential ballot, which is more common that folks think) try to vote our peace; sadly, the rest is made up of blind party loyalists, cronies, college kids, and campaign vols.

As ong as people vote their conscience, that's all that maters. It's not about who wins - we've all been around long enough to realize that, well, when things get this dirty, the nobody's going to win shit beyond an ideological curio. But we do this thing called voting to prove that there is a chance, one day, that it will be about democracy.

Yeah, gets me on the war path myself. Know the feeling.

Oh, of course! Hope you're doing well, too, chica!!! :)


Monkeydrunk:
Haha, well, even I have my October Surpises. No, seriously, I've been sitting on the quote from the "Very Wise Old Man," a local veteran who, by his very nature and life experience, is skeptical of all politicians and campaigns.

Came from a night at a bar when an Ohuxtable supporter/volunteer started basically mocking his service (and sacrifice) to his country, badgered the poor guy because he didn't buy into Hope - he's also the one who astutely pointed out that that was the same message Nixon brought with him.

How that kid was furious! All these guys, sitting at a bar, some conservative, some liberal, even some completely neutral, who all sipped their beers and let him rant without any acknowledgment other than "Dude, this guy served his country and has a right to vote for whomever he pleases, so shut the fuck up and move on."

But, well, the Pink Bunny loves and cherishes me still, I'm sure. I give amazing head to furry deities (inside joke: I do not really perform fellatio on small woodland creatures.)

And I needed something to keep people from endorsement-lobbying before, quite frankly, I reached through the Web and started strangling college kids.

Thanks for commenting!

librarianwoes said...

I'm actually voting for a candidate (Obama) for the first time ever and not just against some other candidate. Is he a perfect man? No. Will I agree with everything that he does (FISA), hell no! But the alternative is totally unacceptable to me in every conceivable way... And Nader is about as much of a "maverick" as he is a lunatic.

I'm voting for a change of administration. I'm voting for a keenly intelligent mixed-race man who has good ideas and is genuinely willing to listen to other points of view (which is healing change in and of itself).

Real change comes creeping, it doesn't run, jump, or strut... But for everything there is a first time, and I have high hopes. The fact of the matter is that whoever wins this election has a lot to fix without very much to work with... But a 60 vote (or is it 61 with Judas, I mean, Lieberman?) will go a long way to make it happen.

F&@k you very much George W. Bush.

Anonymous said...

Yo Jason! I was going to vote obama but yea why not send a message this year? i finally saw that redneck gun commerical of his and was like wtf? It looked like a Bush commerical. fuck that shit.

And sorry my friend haha made out with you in brodies bathroom last night. she was WASTED. Would it be okay if I say hi if I see you uptown tonight?

The ZenFo Pro said...

Woes:
Good for you for voting your peace, and well-articulated. Actually, that was sorta the point here - no more hype, just put up or shut up.

Real change also requires discomfort, unease, and, yep, even all-out fighting for survival. I don't think we'll get there any time soon. The system's too bogged down in maintaining its streamlined image to change anything.

Actually, I'm looking forward to a "Four-and-Out" one term wonder. It's going to be one hell of a show to watch...

Aw, ol Joe's just following the same path Jim Jeffords took when he jumped ship. And, in all fairness, I don't remember hearing any people on the Jackass Side calling him Judas in 2001 for deciding that, yep, he was done with the game.


Anon:
Lol, too funny. And people wonder why I still allow anon comments...

Well, I'm just glad you're voting for yourself. As I've told several party loyalists lately, the point of democracy is not the action of "One Man, One Vote" but the reasoning and ethical choices behind it.

Oh, heh, the "Second Amendment" one, right? The big bearded guy walking through a field, carrying a shotgun? Is that the one?

Yeah, gotta love that battleground jockeying. If we had legalized prostitution, I'm sure we'd have both Party guys on TV, in bed with hookers, talking about protecting jobs.

Haha, yeah...no worries. Hope ya'll had a safe rest of the night. Lol, sure! But your friend? No more pulling me into women's restrooms, okay? Christ, I'm 30. :-)

jacob said...

That we all would vote our conscience.

That is a great sports blog.



I've noticed people seem more informed this year than usual, at least here. I have a couple of college aged cousins who were grilling us with questions, about everything from the economy to foreign policy, a couple weeks ago in tryinng to decide their vote.

It is good to see Shayna.

Cooper said...

"And OMG, did you really compare a politician's campaign to Woody Guthrie?"

I don't believe I did compare a politician's campaign to woody Guthrie, don't think I've ever mentioned woody Guthrie except regarding his intent for one of his songs.

You tend to interpret things the way you assume someone would write them based on what you know about that person instead of reading what is actually there.

We have way too few active players, and that is why we always end up with only two candidates who have an actually chance to get elected, and unfortunately those two candidates are the ones with the money. It could be different, but most active players are pretty passive. For me because I would find it an abomination for one man to win I must vote for another and so there ya go.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Jacob:

True, true. And it's great to see Shayna back and fired up!

Yeah, I've been trying to minimize my involvement intentionally (well, save for just s smidgen of promoting local issues offline) other than simply asking people what they believe in - not who they believe.

I check out Big League Stew, seriously, more than I check out my own blog anymore. And Lord, after that World Series...

Coop:
Um, yeah. It's all about reading between the lines.

You can't deny that you - someone who has all sorts of tiny little codes morsels of Obama/Biden widgets buried in your code there - weren't trying to draw a direct comparison between the message of the Obama camp and a folk singer known for his support working-poor causes, based on how you feel about Obama's campaign... or that the YouTube link to Bomb, Bomb Iran wasn't intended as a jab at McCain.

I mean, the reference to wealth redistribution in your post, the touching photo of Obama with child... it's not like you were trying to show that you - an ardent supporter of a side of The Party - wants to influence people's votes in your favor?

It's not in between the lines. It's called content analysis and it's not like you're exactly discreet in your choice. Reality, my dear Coop, is all about interpretation and the manipulations necessary, sadly, to influence others.

Like, say, the manipulation of emotion in order to get people pissed off, angry, sympathetic to a cause or even causing folks to tie a message to their very survival. Through things like, oh, posters and images, bumper stickers, campaign-sponsored social networking groups and VoteFor... websites set up to gather data for robodialers and to bloat donor lists.

There's a lesson in this, you know. Like in how, say, without even using either candidate's name in the original post, I was able to get a lot more people to instantly go "That fucking bastard! He's dissing Obama!" without a single namedrop.

You read what you wanted. Just like you accused me of doing in your post.

I don't think its just a matter of active v. passive. It's a matter of who sets the rules for the game. The truth is, well, we do. But it so much easier to just be lazy and just not vote. We've put America on autopilot for too long, and now it's time to dock the boat or crash into the pier.

And I'd much rather live in a democracy where 80-90% of the voting pool available votes as opposed to a nation where we're lucky if half of the population even cares.

EsotericWombat said...

I'm curious as to how someone whose average campaign donation is under a hundred dollars is a corporate product.

I want there to be a greater expansion of independent parties. I really do. But it sort of irks me that one such party that purports to favor grassroots democracy expends the majority of its resources on a presidential race that will gain it nothing when it hasn't landed any of its politicians in an office higher than the Maine State Legislature, while another that calls itself Libertarian sports a candidate who voted for the Patriot Act. And yet I see no entries down-ticket on my ballot in a state that would certainly be more receptive of the Greens, and possibly more receptive of the others than just about any other in the Union.

It leads me to believe that these people are just grandstanding fuckheads. Either that or they just plain don't know what the fuck they're doing. They'll have my support when they can convince me otherwise.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Wombat:
Yeah, where did all of that virtually untraceable money from those "individual donors" come from? Was it really soccer moms and grandmas and college kids, doling out savings and lunch money? Or was it simply a legal form of money laundering?

Contributions must be listed separately on FEC disclosure reports once the total received from any one person exceeds $200 in an election cycle. - Source, Federal Election Commission

You know, it's a funny thing, those donations...

Actually, it may sound counter-intuitive, but the only way to see a viable, diversified political landscape is to reduce the number of The Party members, to cut off the free money train, and to get those Least Likely Voters voting.

Oh no, those independents gained - nothing like manipulating the media enough to get, say, a Socialist candidate on the Colbert Report, or having web-only debates between the Mid-major party candidates... something that can float around the Internet for years...

Partisanship, any which way, is still just another enemy of a free and honest people. And the idea of a Grassroots Movement is so packaged around individual issues, egos, and, yeah, all of those fuckheads that its completely meaningless.

And with the election of basically a blank-check Congress and Executive...

EsotericWombat said...

So you seriously think that the Socialist Party would have been on Colbert if the attack du jour on Obama wasn't that he was a Socialist?

And you're willing to assume massive electoral fraud before considering the idea that something changed here?

More to the point, if it were that easy to defraud the FEC, don't you think the candidate who took a shit on their public finance laws by using matched funds as freaking collateral, would have done it?

To my mind, this midterm election is the best opportunity for third parties. We've just elected a president who survived the "socialist" label, and with a comfortable majority for not-Republicans, which means that Democratic sympathizers (myself included) will be more willing to hear them out. I know that I'd campaign for an Independent, Socialist or Green candidate if they tried to unseat Ed Markey.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Lol, no, and that's the funny part - the GOP ended up being probably one of the biggest marketers of an American Socialist political organization since Eugene Debbs. The Obama camp simply pandered and wobbled, completely terrified, just as the Dems were the last time the Dirty S Word was thrown around so freely - against the first Clinton Administration.

Sure am. Oh no, it's not electoral fraud - it's politics. Happens every election.

Nothing major's changed, beyond the election of the first African-American politician to the presidency, using the same tactics and rhetoric (technologically and resource-exploitation wise, sure) we've been using since the advent of the two-party system.

Sure, that's impressive - if race matters (which it did just as much for Dems as the GOP supporters). But we're not talking a Mandela here, or some revolutionary like Haiti's Toussaint-Louverture, the New World's first black leader, or even Doctor King. Those were revolutionary men, dynamic, survivors.

Heh, we gave the world our First Black President.... a guy who played by the rules of our system, did the important dirty things and said the magic words that win elections, just like almost all of his old white men predecessors.

True, midterms are the best bet for winning. But it's not really about winning all the time. Sometimes, you just show up and play.

librarianwoes said...

All I know dude is that every time I have seen McCain on TV old Joe's smiling face is right over his shoulder like the Emperor from Star Wars.

Compared to the Rove years this was a very civil election cycle. In that respect there were many positive changes. Obama tried to concentrate primarily on issues while the GOP did it's obfuscation dance. Unlike recent years, McCain would only allow that to go so far, however. Distract the "Joe the Plumber" to get him to vote against his own best interests... Joe's dim, the GOP knows this.

Sadly, with the media's short attention span (you and I both know how this works from personal experience) Obama had to occasionally say something radical to regain attention. Attention wins elections not issues (unless you're a one-issue wonder). Speaking of which, I just read a synopsis of Obama's tax plan at Smart Money. It's pretty much what I pieced together form about a dozen other documents but I couldn't get positive proof of a few things that this one article outlined very concisely. This is another big media FAIL. This article was published after the election! This is the kind of information people need during the campaign in order to judge for themselves what is in their own best interest. "Joe the Plumber" doesn't have the time or inclination to read through a dozen documents to figure this crap out so he just buys what he's fed hook line and sinker. Joe needs an outline, hell I would like to have detailed outlines for where the candidates stand on all the major issues myself.

I don't think that our political system can be changed from the outside. I think that it needs to happen internally to actually be effective. I used to think that bringing back the Whigs would be a good idea but we hardly get anything done now, can you imagine a three or four party system here? Either nothing would ever get done, or there would be even more pork loaded into everything so that all parties could get on board ultimately wasting even more time and money... Lord Have Mercy!

Any way you cut it, with our current economic situation, two wars raging and, the mess that Bush has made of our Rights either candidate would have been severely restricted. President Obama is going to have his hands full... Add to that the fact that people have higher expectations of Obama than any other President since FDR and I'm not sure that he can do anything but fail? I hope that I'm wrong, but when people are looking for a savior they're bound to be disappointed. That's a tall order to fill.